People

People are going to disappoint you. They are going to be less than you wish them to be. They are going to make decisions you don't agree with. But these people will always be the ones you care about that most. That is why you care so much about whether they choose to do the right or wrong thing. It's never going to go the way you want it to, and sometimes you just have to deal.

I have a specific place for everyone in my life and most of the time they don't fit into those places. I get disappointed more often than not because I don't get what I want. I want reciprocated feelings and genuine gestures they way I give out genuine gestures. But I don't get it. I'm beginning to think I never will. Most people are inherently selfish and sometimes I wish I were like that. I wish I could only see what I wanted and go out and get it but I don't work that way. I envy people who do. Maybe then I would be less disappointed in the people I care about for being as invested as I am.

I try not to burn bridges but it tends to happen anyway. I keep people as close as possible until it just isn't an option anymore. It's hard, when you're the one who is always reaching out, trying to keep a friendship alive. Most people would give up and walk away but I don't. I keep pushing and prodding and hoping I'll get back what I put in. I don't think I ever have. I try to deal, like I mentioned earlier. That usually doesn't go the way I plan, either. Nothing ever does. I have to stop planning.

I want what I want, when I want it, but I never get it. I'm not complaining, I don't think, simply stating facts. It's hard to see what's right in front of you until it isn't there anymore. I think I'm going to be less "there" from now on and see what happens, who notices, who doesn't care, etc. I pride myself on being a great friend and shoulder and confidant. Sometimes I'd like that in return.

Just...be aware of your surroundings. Don't get so caught up in yourself you forget what's in front of you. Because if you do, I promise you'll notice when it's not there.

xx
Gina