An Open Letter....

From a certain type of girl to every type of guy.

I've wanted to write this one for a while but I'm finally putting it all together, so bare with me. This is personal to me and something I have experienced my whole life that I think maybe a lot of people, guys and girls alike, don't really understand. I'm going to try and explain.

Who is this certain type of girl? For all intents and purposes, she's the good girl. The one who never got into trouble, didn't mind giving a little extra help, was good in school, probably has an alright family life, has a decent number of friends, gets along with most anyone, works hard, but never really had a boyfriend. The logical question is why? Along with all those things above, she's not unattractive, she has a sense of humor, she can hold her own in a conversation, she's what you would almost call the right kind of girl. At least your mom would. But no, doesn't have a boyfriend. Maybe never has and not without lack of trying. I'll tell you why, based on the types of guys she has encountered. Hopefully, this opens some eyes...

The Nice Guy
You guys have probably been friends from day one. You just got along because she wasn't into the drama and you are a guy so neither are you. You have said all of the right things and she laughs at your jokes but still, nothing. You have a tendency to blame us good girls for putting you in the friend zone but news flash, no one places anyone anywhere, it's just how it works. Your personality doesn't ignite that flame in us that says yeah, there's an attraction, there's chemistry. There's nothing wrong with that, we both need friends in that capacity but stop placing blame. Because we are a so-called "good girl" we want someone who challenges us. Someone who makes us see things from a different perspective. We see things the same way, so we get along...simple as that. So for all you nice guys...think about what attracts you to a girl and put yourself in her shoes for a second.

The Bro
You like sports, video games, horror movies, drinking beer, and straight up broing out. Guess what? So does she. We will hang out with you and play video games, drink your favorite beer and introduce you to ours, and then that awkward moment where we listen to you tell us about that girl from last night. We have shared interests and your "I don't really give a shit" attitude is what draws the good girls in. But what you see is that girl who gets you and will listen to you complain about all of the wrong girls. The ones who need to be coddled and expect to be treated like princesses and you just don't get it. But we do. She's the wrong kind of girl. We know that you need one like the one you're spilling your heart out to right now but you don't get that. That's what the good girl is there for. You have no idea because she acts more like your mom than your girlfriend and that is kind of her fault...but if you're ever in that situation take a closer look. Chances are that girl you're looking for is right there, she just understands you better than you think.

The Bad Boy
The automatic draw for any and all good girls. We don't understand you. You completely flip the script on us and we're like a deer in the headlights. Except we don't run away and THAT is what flips the script on you. We see right through the image, we don't judge you for what you've done or where you come from like you're so used to and you take that out on us. You can't date girls like us because we DO actually get you. All of your relationships are superficial because you want to be left alone with your vices and continue not caring about anything but yourself. But this good girl, she makes you want to care about something other than yourself so you have to get out before it's too late. Sound familiar?

I have been in all of these situations. I'm a self-proclaimed good girl and for good reason. I've never had a boyfriend and will always openly admit that. I'm independent, I take care of myself, and I fall for the types of guys who are afraid of me. As girls we're taught to become this type of woman who doesn't need a man, can take care of herself, and will take the world by storm. I love being that girl. I would love if guys loved that these girls exist. We're going to scare the shit out of you, we're going to remind you of someone (probably your mother), we're going to put you first, but we also expect to be put first sometimes, too. I kindly request guys and girls alike get their heads out of their asses and understand why things happen the way they do. I've heard the "you're just too good of a girl" speech more times in my life than I can count. The fact that this speech exists absolutely disgusts me. I'm not too good. You're too afraid. Stop being afraid and take a freaking risk every once in a while. That girl IS GOOD ENOUGH. You, as her male counterpart, are ALSO GOOD ENOUGH.

I needed to get that off my chest.

xx
Gina

She's Got a Gypsy Soul to Blame and She Was Born for Leaving

So more and more I will look at my page views just to see whats going on and on days when I don't post anything, there are still page views. (My own don't count, don't worry) But I think that's pretty cool. I usually only write when I have something to say, I don't want to cloud the internet with garbage anymore than it already is, but I figured today is as good of a day as any to say whatever it is I'm thinking about.

I have to be up at like 3:30 tomorrow morning to take my giiiirl to the airport so she can go to North Carolina for the weekend. Then I decided to just go to work right after so I'm doing that at a not-so-bright and early 5am. Then I'll work very poorly until 1, when I get to leave myself for the airport.

I guess it was like two weeks ago, I was talking to my favorite little lady in New York about coming to see her, but she was busy so we made a plan for this weekend. So now, I'm going to New York tomorrow. And if I'm being honest, I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT. I haven't needed to get this far away from everything in a really long time. And nothing is even particularly bad right now. Like I don't think I'm mad at anyone, or I'm hurting because of anyone...nothing. I'm just so sick of the same thing every single day that I need the spice of my city to wake me up a little. Inspire me, I guess.

It's strange because I do get inspired here, don't get me wrong. I'll be driving home from work with the windows down listening to whatever my mood dictates that day and I'll just be happy. It's such a stark difference from where I was almost 4 years ago when I would get in my car and drive around. All I saw were negatives and the bad things now I can't seem to find them anywhere. But nothing compares to the lights and the sounds and the people and the culture. If I had one word for it, it would be magical. I wasted it when I lived there. I was blind to the magic. Even when I would visit the couple times after I was still blind to it, numb even.

I think now I'm in such a better place to appreciate it completely. I have my days where it still gets a little foggy but I think this time when I see my city again, it's gonna be through a completely new lens. I'm stoked.

Until next time, lovers.

xx
Gina

Green Bananas

The diary of a girl who spends a lot of time by herself:

Over the past month I have become my own best friend. The way I was my own best friend 2 years ago, something I forgot how to do. We get content being by ourselves when it's all we know. When that changes and someone else starts taking up our time and becoming part of us coming down from that is really hard. I wouldn't say I'm completely content, but I'm alright.

I make decisions based on what I want for the first time in a very long time. I would wait to get my nails done until the very last minute because I had to make sure I wasn't wanted/needed anywhere else. Now, I don't ask. I just go do. I wake up on the weekend and decide to drive across the state. I haven't been able to do that since I first moved home because I let someone else decide what I should do. I sleep whenever I want for as long as I want. I used to do this all the time. I stopped when I started having to be there for someone else at the drop of a hat. Now, I sleep. But probably too much because right around 3am I'm ready to go, every single day.

It's crazy how you let others change you without even realizing it. I didn't even notice how much I didn't like who I was until now. I listened to different music, watched different TV, "liked" different things just to placate someone else. Like I am THAT much of a people-pleaser that I will alter my likes and dislikes just to make someone else happy. But now, shooooooooooot watch out. I listen to the same playlist for days on end and sing the same songs at the top of my lungs in my car with all the windows down. I D G A F. Haha yeah that just happened. I watch Pokemon on Netflix, hate on it. (It is not as good when you're not 10 or trading the cards, btw). I just watched every episode of Lockdown and after convincing myself that I could totally survive in prison; I could not. I would end up like one guy in the last episode that went straight up POSTAL after 5 days in county. County. Yeah, sup, that'd be me.

So yeah, I'm still learning things about myself every day. Sometimes I drive myself crazy and need to like actually go out and see other people, but most of the time it's just me, myself, and I. Back in the day I loved being by myself; then I hated it because I spent all of my time with others; now, I'm cool with it again. No one knows me better than me, except maybe Catherine, but she has this weird way of seeing straight through me no matter what I say. It's cool though. I encourage everyone to spend some good quality time solo, you'll surprise yourself with what you learn.

xx
Gina

We Live in a Generation of Not Being in Love

I love my friends. It might seem like I say that a lot but I really honestly do. We've all come so far from who we were when we first met whether it was someone's backyard, high school, or work. And because I love them so much and we're all in such different phases of our lives not only with work or school but with relationships, too. I just want to throw a little bit of encouragement and sheer admiration to each of my friends real quick because you all teach me more about myself just being you than I could ever teach myself.

You've probably come the furthest and are the single-most inspirational. You take on the world and while I know what it feels like to say no and feel like you're giving up I really need you to put yourself first. You're beautiful, witty, and absolutely everyone loves you from the moment they meet you. I need you to see that. I said this the other night and I mean it; you're going to be afraid until you learn to trust yourself AND those you surround yourself with. Letting go is part of that process. Having control might be the only way you know how to do things; which trust me I understand; but sometimes it's the worst thing for us. You have so much to offer and will always kick ass at whatever you do but to be loved you have to love yourself first. So I will continue to love you until you see that, and then forever after.

No one has been there for me like you have. Any negative thought I have goes straight to you for immediate analyzing. You have this knack for taking whatever issue I think I'm facing and just...making it better. You just get all of who I am and are the constant reminder of who I want to be. It's funny because I'm at a loss for words about you because I think I've said all of this to you over and over and I, of all people, am running out of amazing things to say about you. From crying with me in my driveway 8 years ago to opening up my horizons to all this world can offer. I love you.

It gets better, I promise. If you read this, refer to my post from December 12th. Read that and live it. It helped me so much, and I wrote that before I even knew I needed it. But you're crazy strong, too. You have grown into this unafraid, willing to try anything once girl I honestly never thought I would see you become and I love it. It's inspiring. In high school I think we were both just as...comfortable with being who we were at the time that's why we got along so well. There was no judgement, just understanding. And I think we're in that same place now. We're turning into like real world adults versus the bitches we used to be sitting in my car in the junior lot judging every single person that walked by my car. I love that you've opened your heart and some many more things make sense now. I get it. And if you need it, I'm always here. I love you and I may not say that enough or talk to you enough, but hopefully you know that.

Another strong one. Don't take it personally that yours may not be as long as others but I feel like you've just got it kind of figured out right now. You know what you want, what you don't, what you don't want to mess with, and who not to associate with. You weren't always that way. But now you make better decisions than I do and I love it. The more lost I get the more you seem to find yourself and it's really inspiring to see you every day and kind of push me in the right direction. Again, you might not even notice it but everything you do shapes a lot of the decisions I make. It could be because I don't want to disappoint you, but it doesn't matter the reason. It's funny how you don't realize how much you need someone every day, even if it's just for a minute, until you have them every day.

And lastly, my beautiful little mess. It's in my nature to try and fix people and things but with you I know there is no "fixing". With you I just listen because as much as I tell you what I think I always know you won't act on what I say. I will just continue to ask you questions to help you see maybe the root of what's really going on. But I love you regardless. You are hands down my craziest friend and I love being crazy with you. Honestly, if it weren't for you there are a thousand things I never would have done. So thank you. We probably had the most inappropriate manager-employee relationship in the history of retail but I thought it was pretty awesome. And I love that I'm still in your phone as Gina Weena. Some things never change <3 p="">
For those that get me through, this is for you. Just a little love to start March off right.

xx
Gina