It's been a long four months without writing. I sit down to do it and end up changing my mind, the inspiration gone. So while I have the inspiration I'll run as far as it'll take me.
23 is a sucky age because you feel like you should be a grown up, but don't want to stop watching Sponge Bob just yet. You should have a good job, but don't want to stop serving just yet. You want to change the world, but don't have your legs under you just yet. 23 is blah.
My parents were 23 when they got married and had my sister. I'm 23 and the thought of marriage and kids scares the shit out of me. Realizing that what was theirs doesn't have to be mine is one of my biggest obstacles. I think it's a big obstacle for a lot of us.
I have 7 months until I will have finally graduated college and I'm worried about not having a plan. Sometimes I think plans are for fools, but sometimes I hate that I don't have one. When I was a kid, I was supposed to already be ruling the world. I'm not there yet, so my compass is a little skewed. I'm not sure about what's next. I wonder what I will do when I wake up in the morning with a full day off without work or school. I can't work 7 days so those are inevitable. What comes next is scary to me.
I also feel like 23 is an uncomfortable lull. I don't have a boyfriend and I honestly think I would be annoyed if I did. I had one for a while and it was fine, but that was it. It was fine. But I don't want fine. If I can't have excitement then I don't want anything. I don't want anything that just happens and seems to work. I did that once and it hurt. We're too young to hurt so much.
23 should be stupid. At 40 I want to wake up laughing at how stupid I was, the mistakes I made, the hearts I broke. I haven't done that yet. Not in a bad way, but I want to. I want to leave my mark on people, some in a good way and honestly some in a bad way. I want there to be proof that I was there.
So far my 23 is only kind of stupid. I have some work to do, but I've put a pretty big dent in it.
Always,
Gina
Gettin' It
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Isn't it Ironic?
What a life we have. Honestly. We as a collective - not any certain we...I mean we the world. I'm about to talk in circles so please keep up.
Life has a way of spinning you around. Like you're about to swing at the pinata and you're so confident when you go up to it....and then you completely bomb it in front of all of your friends and family. That's where I'm up. I'm so confident in everything I do and then I totally miss the pinata and my turn is over. But eventually, you or someone else breaks the pinata and you still get to have what's inside.
Last night, my aunt on my mother's side and her husband found a photo album that belonged to my uncle's father. My uncle received it as a gift for his birthday, since his father passed away in 1963. My parents were born in 1962 and didn't meet until the 1980s. From this photo album fell a thank you note to my uncle's father...from my dad's parents. They were married in 1961. Our three families, without even knowing it, have intertwined their lives for as long as we all shall live. That is what I'm talking about with this spinning life situation.
If you're a reader of my blog, you'll know that I was dating a guy for a while that I loved, but couldn't return the feeling. He was a big part of my life, while I am just a small part of his. I grew to love his family at the same time, and fortunately for me they have chosen to still keep that affection for me long after he and I have gone our separate ways. Those are the kinds of people, the ones that choose you after all sorts of situations, that should be in your life. And sometimes, like I said, they choose you.
In April I went to visit my best friend in Miami. She and I used to spend our summers over there growing up, probably 3 years in a row starting when we were 14. There were soundtracks to our summers and stories and friendships and memories to last a lifetime. All of those things I have since put behind me; things that happened and were amazing but that I would never relive. Big crushes and secret talks about the boys we used to hang out with happened a lot on these nights. Everything was crazy and nothing was lasting. When I saw her in April I wanted to relive that freedom. I had a full 4 days to spend with her that I haven't had in who knows how long. With those 4 days I decided to get some of our old group together to go out and be adults for the first time since we actually were adults. I'm talking 6 or 7 years after we first met and probably since the last time we all had spoken. It was that weekend that I saw my boyfriend now for the first time since I told my best friend I liked him 6 years prior. I was a child back then. I liked him because he was cute and had a car - clearly my taste was not very particular. But then, seeing him again and knowing that my 15 year-old self was on to something...that was amazing. And here we are, dating, after I thought I would never see him again.
That's what I'm saying about life. It's one big gravitron. You really want to get up off the wall but if you do you will either puke or pass out. So you stay against the wall. But when the ride stops you look at your friends, laugh, and all decide unanimously to ride again.
It's a beautiful thing, isn't it?
Life has a way of spinning you around. Like you're about to swing at the pinata and you're so confident when you go up to it....and then you completely bomb it in front of all of your friends and family. That's where I'm up. I'm so confident in everything I do and then I totally miss the pinata and my turn is over. But eventually, you or someone else breaks the pinata and you still get to have what's inside.
Last night, my aunt on my mother's side and her husband found a photo album that belonged to my uncle's father. My uncle received it as a gift for his birthday, since his father passed away in 1963. My parents were born in 1962 and didn't meet until the 1980s. From this photo album fell a thank you note to my uncle's father...from my dad's parents. They were married in 1961. Our three families, without even knowing it, have intertwined their lives for as long as we all shall live. That is what I'm talking about with this spinning life situation.
If you're a reader of my blog, you'll know that I was dating a guy for a while that I loved, but couldn't return the feeling. He was a big part of my life, while I am just a small part of his. I grew to love his family at the same time, and fortunately for me they have chosen to still keep that affection for me long after he and I have gone our separate ways. Those are the kinds of people, the ones that choose you after all sorts of situations, that should be in your life. And sometimes, like I said, they choose you.
In April I went to visit my best friend in Miami. She and I used to spend our summers over there growing up, probably 3 years in a row starting when we were 14. There were soundtracks to our summers and stories and friendships and memories to last a lifetime. All of those things I have since put behind me; things that happened and were amazing but that I would never relive. Big crushes and secret talks about the boys we used to hang out with happened a lot on these nights. Everything was crazy and nothing was lasting. When I saw her in April I wanted to relive that freedom. I had a full 4 days to spend with her that I haven't had in who knows how long. With those 4 days I decided to get some of our old group together to go out and be adults for the first time since we actually were adults. I'm talking 6 or 7 years after we first met and probably since the last time we all had spoken. It was that weekend that I saw my boyfriend now for the first time since I told my best friend I liked him 6 years prior. I was a child back then. I liked him because he was cute and had a car - clearly my taste was not very particular. But then, seeing him again and knowing that my 15 year-old self was on to something...that was amazing. And here we are, dating, after I thought I would never see him again.
That's what I'm saying about life. It's one big gravitron. You really want to get up off the wall but if you do you will either puke or pass out. So you stay against the wall. But when the ride stops you look at your friends, laugh, and all decide unanimously to ride again.
It's a beautiful thing, isn't it?
Sunday, May 25, 2014
The Truth
Growing up I
always knew I was a little different than everyone else. It was never outwardly
obvious, I just felt it inside and I knew it to be true. When I was in kindergarten
“Accelerated Reading” was being introduced and we were to read books and take
tests on them to show we understood what we were reading. There are different
levels for these books and you would test into different levels as your ability
to read and retain information advanced. The first book I ever took an AR test
on was Wayside School is Falling Down
by Louis Sachar. It was 192 pages long with 30 chapters. I got a 100% on the
test. From that moment forward, Mrs. Bell, my teacher at the time, treated me
just a little different. I was pulled aside a lot and eventually was taken for
a test to place me into gifted classes. I started those classes in the 1st
grade. That was when I learned that being different was fun. Being the child
that was just a little bit special came with rewards; my own table in the classroom,
leaving the room for special tests, getting treats from the teachers who would
pull me out, and the chance to compete in spelling bees and math competitions.
Everything that happened in those formative years brought me to where I am
today; but currently I’ve let down the little girl who got a 100% on her first
AR test. That drive to succeed and be the best is gone and it can be found in
New York City.
I was accepted to
New York University in March of my senior year in high school. I had told my
parents I was going to NYU when I was 10 years old and nothing was going to
change my mind. I was naturally talented in school and I couldn’t lose. I aced
everything, didn’t bat an eye at homework and thoroughly enjoyed going to
school. I got to middle school and school became slightly more difficult as I
entered into all-day gifted classes as opposed to the one day a week I was used
to. But I still didn’t get deterred. I still liked school and I enjoyed being
the best. I tried so hard because I wanted my peers to know that I was a force
to be reckoned with. That all changed my freshmen year of high school. I was
working part-time at Publix, I ran for student council and became the class
Vice President, and joined the volleyball team as well as a handful of other clubs.
Combined with classes, this super-girl persona I had created was beginning to
meet her match. I had to quit my job and eventually, when my family life was becoming difficult and student government didn’t prove to be as perfect as
I was, I checked out of school. I would fight for the next 3 years of high
school to get my GPA back up to an acceptable level and to gain the respect of
my classmates I was always looking for.
However, come
graduation I was still voted Most Likely to Succeed, had my acceptance letter
to NYU in my hand, and gave the commencement speech at graduation. I spoke to
my peers about dreaming and believing that anything we wish to accomplish in
this world is possible as well as without limitation. I inspired myself into
believing that I could make it in New York and all of my dreams would come
true. But reality is never quite the same as our hopes and dreams.
I got to New York
and realized right away I was at a school with people who completely understood
me. They, too, were the ones pulled out of class when they were 5 years old.
They were the winners of their spelling bees and math competitions. They
pioneered charity events in high school and were looking to continue that in
New York. We had heated discussions about philosophy and religion and the
origin of it all. I was right where I belonged, but never could afford to be.
Once the money became too much of a burden on myself and my family, I had to
make the decision to transfer to FGCU. Fort Myers was home and I could go to school
for free versus the $60,000 I was paying in New York. So I graduated NYU with
my Associate’s Degree and am finishing my Bachelor’s at FGCU. And I say my
drive and my passion and my desire to be the absolute best version of myself is
in New York because I went back on my word. I told my peers on graduation day
to reach for the stars and not let anything ever get in the way of that. But I
didn’t listen to my own words. I let money get in the way of my dream and I
feel as though I am back at square one. That little girl is disappointed, too.
I pride myself on
being the strongest person in the room. I am a problem solver and will take the
risks for the masses to let them know it is safe to pass. I will always lead,
therefore refusing to follow. Now that I have done the weakest thing I could think
of, leaving New York, I try to find that passion for success other places. I
have been working since I was 14 except for that brief stint my freshmen year
of high school and one semester in New York. Upon returning I obtained
full-time employment and have held a job somewhere ever since. Full-time school
and full-time work are my requirements for trying to make up for what I gave
up. This way, my goal of being successful can still exist.
Ultimately, I
would love to be a writer. While in New York I really honed my skill and dug
deep into the creativity I have been cultivating for quite some time now. I haven’t worked on it since being home, as
here in Fort Myers that’s not very practical, but I always hope to one day get
there. My plan is to find enough success, monetarily and otherwise, to help me
get there. My most recent profession is within resort hospitality at The
Ritz-Carlton Beach Resort in Naples. Choices of positions at all levels of a
business operation are possible now that my foot is in this door and I hope to
find myself in a far away land full of inspiration.
When your whole
life has been set around wanting to change the world and do it with a full
heart, it’s disappointing when you feel as though you have given up on it. I
don’t regret the choices I’ve made however I do regret losing the passion I
once had to be the best at everything I set my mind to. I intend to ultimately
get it back, as I keep striving towards my degree and my ultimate goals that I
know will not only make me happy, but will make my family and those closest to
me happy. Although they tell me that they only hope for my happiness, I know my
loved ones are looking for more from me. I was the little girl who could read
when she was 3 years old. I was the girl who organized the fundraiser that won
the National Junior Honor Society national award for excellence in middle
school. I was the girl who did it all and never faced a problem she couldn’t
solve. As I continue to learn and grow in my education I do believe I will find
that person again and successfully achieve all that I set my mind to.
While in college,
or preparing to graduate from it, we tend to look back at everything that got
us to where we are now. For me, it’s a tough look back because of all of the
things I would change. We see ourselves differently when looking back versus
the moment of making our choices, or at least I do. I have lost and gained a
lot of friends along the way, some I never would have thought I would lose and
some I never thought I would end up close to. I have thought I was in love and
lost it. Then I was really in love and realize now what that feels like, and I
lost that too. Because of all of the things I’ve seen and experienced I know I
am a different person than I used to be. However, I am still that stubborn,
strong-headed, leader of the pack I have always been; right now, it is just
somewhere deep within. My goal is to unleash that again someday and change the
world the way I know I can. My peers saw it in me in high school when they not
only voted me Most Likely to Succeed, but when they hand picked me to be the
one to send them off at graduation. My ultimate goal is to inspire in all
aspects of life. Being the best version of yourself personally and
professionally is something to be proud of and all of the steps we take to get
there will forge the outcome.
Monday, May 5, 2014
People
People are going to disappoint you. They are going to be less than you wish them to be. They are going to make decisions you don't agree with. But these people will always be the ones you care about that most. That is why you care so much about whether they choose to do the right or wrong thing. It's never going to go the way you want it to, and sometimes you just have to deal.
I have a specific place for everyone in my life and most of the time they don't fit into those places. I get disappointed more often than not because I don't get what I want. I want reciprocated feelings and genuine gestures they way I give out genuine gestures. But I don't get it. I'm beginning to think I never will. Most people are inherently selfish and sometimes I wish I were like that. I wish I could only see what I wanted and go out and get it but I don't work that way. I envy people who do. Maybe then I would be less disappointed in the people I care about for being as invested as I am.
I try not to burn bridges but it tends to happen anyway. I keep people as close as possible until it just isn't an option anymore. It's hard, when you're the one who is always reaching out, trying to keep a friendship alive. Most people would give up and walk away but I don't. I keep pushing and prodding and hoping I'll get back what I put in. I don't think I ever have. I try to deal, like I mentioned earlier. That usually doesn't go the way I plan, either. Nothing ever does. I have to stop planning.
I want what I want, when I want it, but I never get it. I'm not complaining, I don't think, simply stating facts. It's hard to see what's right in front of you until it isn't there anymore. I think I'm going to be less "there" from now on and see what happens, who notices, who doesn't care, etc. I pride myself on being a great friend and shoulder and confidant. Sometimes I'd like that in return.
Just...be aware of your surroundings. Don't get so caught up in yourself you forget what's in front of you. Because if you do, I promise you'll notice when it's not there.
xx
Gina
I have a specific place for everyone in my life and most of the time they don't fit into those places. I get disappointed more often than not because I don't get what I want. I want reciprocated feelings and genuine gestures they way I give out genuine gestures. But I don't get it. I'm beginning to think I never will. Most people are inherently selfish and sometimes I wish I were like that. I wish I could only see what I wanted and go out and get it but I don't work that way. I envy people who do. Maybe then I would be less disappointed in the people I care about for being as invested as I am.
I try not to burn bridges but it tends to happen anyway. I keep people as close as possible until it just isn't an option anymore. It's hard, when you're the one who is always reaching out, trying to keep a friendship alive. Most people would give up and walk away but I don't. I keep pushing and prodding and hoping I'll get back what I put in. I don't think I ever have. I try to deal, like I mentioned earlier. That usually doesn't go the way I plan, either. Nothing ever does. I have to stop planning.
I want what I want, when I want it, but I never get it. I'm not complaining, I don't think, simply stating facts. It's hard to see what's right in front of you until it isn't there anymore. I think I'm going to be less "there" from now on and see what happens, who notices, who doesn't care, etc. I pride myself on being a great friend and shoulder and confidant. Sometimes I'd like that in return.
Just...be aware of your surroundings. Don't get so caught up in yourself you forget what's in front of you. Because if you do, I promise you'll notice when it's not there.
xx
Gina
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Respect
Empowerment in your 20's . As I look around at my peers, and I've had this conversation before, a lot of us grew up extremely fast. Whether it be via marriage, children, college, career, whatever...everything we do we do it at an extremely fast pace.
Personally, I've been working since I was 14. I never liked not working, it gave me a sense of purpose. I'll never forget when I told someone in my 8th grade class that I had applied for a job she told me I would never get it. From that moment forward I think I've been trying to prove myself professionally. And I think that I have. Now that I'm in transition from one job to another I just have a couple of things to say about people who underestimate the power of a 20-something in the workplace.
I got my 3rd job of my life when I was 16. I kept that job for 4 years and it got me through high school and brought some of the best people into my life. But besides that, I grew into the hard worker I am because of that job. I was the go-to person regardless of the fact that I never had a store key or managerial responsibility. But I knew the safe codes, I would balance registers, I would organize transfers, I would mediate returns...you name it I could do it and I did it for dirt cheap. That company treated me like garbage and I will continue to talk people out of working for them. Just because I was young doesn't mean I didn't know what they were doing. Empty promises of managerial positions were made regularly. You know how many times I saw my district manager? Twice, in 4 years. You know how many store managers we went through while I sat idly by in my non-managerial position? 5, in 4 years. You know how many times I got a raise for my continued hard work and constant dedication? Never. Because I was 16 and I needed to turn 18. Because I was 18 and I needed to graduate high school. But instead of graduating and becoming a manager, I graduated and moved to New York. When I came back on Christmas break and worked for them how did they thank me? By reducing my pay by $.50 an hour. Why? Because I was 19 and they had zero respect for me or my work.
My job in New York actually respected me and treated me as an adult, and continue to write recommendation letters to this day. But my job after that reverted right back to me being 20 and not treated as an equal.
I was put into a managerial position finally and was convinced that because of that I would earn some respect. But my subordinates were older than me and didn't feel like they had to listen to me. My store and district managers saw that as my problem, and had to be dealt with on my own. When I proved myself to be knowledgeable and someone they could count on, I still didn't gain respect. Instead I got told that I was just too young and needed to understand that power only came with age. I'm sorry, but WHAT? I am in your store, willing to work for you and serve customers who are over-privileged and look down on me, and you're going to disrespect me because of my age? That's disgraceful. What needs to be understood is that the next leaders are currently in the workforce right now and need to be treated as equals. When that doesn't happen, the results will be worse than whatever you think they are.
The position that I'm transitioning out of was an eye-opener. I got the job because in my interview they said I was absolutely what they were looking for. I got a raise within the first 2 months. I was on cloud 9. And then they got greedy. I took this job telling them that I was going to school full-time. That was my priority. I already couldn't graduate on time because FGCU wouldn't take my credits OR MY DEGREE from NYU but that's a whole other rant in itself. So I gave them my time while I was at work but when I'm not at work, I don't owe you anything. But more and more, they started piling more and more on my desk. And then when my work wasn't good enough, they told me I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry, because you want me to do the work of 3 people, my ONE self isn't good enough? No. I won't take being treated that way. I might be 22 and naive and "unprofessional" as my boss so lovingly put it, but I know what I'm doing. I can guarantee you there is not a single person who has met me in a professional capacity that would call me unprofessional. And I truly think he only feels that way because I bring the median age down in this office by a good 20 years. Age is not to be looked at with respect or disrespect. Someone could be 60 and never had a solid career in their lives. Or they could be 25 and know exactly what they're doing. Experience is key, not age. It may come quickly, it may come slow. It doesn't matter how it happens, if you have the skills you have the skills.
I refuse to be belittled because of my age. It happens constantly and bothers me to no end. I will be learning until the day I die but that doesn't mean I'm not knowledgeable. I firmly believe that the day you stop learning something new, your life is over.
Sorry I ranted, but I think ageism is a real thing and highly ridiculous. Feel free to disagree.
xx
Gina
Personally, I've been working since I was 14. I never liked not working, it gave me a sense of purpose. I'll never forget when I told someone in my 8th grade class that I had applied for a job she told me I would never get it. From that moment forward I think I've been trying to prove myself professionally. And I think that I have. Now that I'm in transition from one job to another I just have a couple of things to say about people who underestimate the power of a 20-something in the workplace.
I got my 3rd job of my life when I was 16. I kept that job for 4 years and it got me through high school and brought some of the best people into my life. But besides that, I grew into the hard worker I am because of that job. I was the go-to person regardless of the fact that I never had a store key or managerial responsibility. But I knew the safe codes, I would balance registers, I would organize transfers, I would mediate returns...you name it I could do it and I did it for dirt cheap. That company treated me like garbage and I will continue to talk people out of working for them. Just because I was young doesn't mean I didn't know what they were doing. Empty promises of managerial positions were made regularly. You know how many times I saw my district manager? Twice, in 4 years. You know how many store managers we went through while I sat idly by in my non-managerial position? 5, in 4 years. You know how many times I got a raise for my continued hard work and constant dedication? Never. Because I was 16 and I needed to turn 18. Because I was 18 and I needed to graduate high school. But instead of graduating and becoming a manager, I graduated and moved to New York. When I came back on Christmas break and worked for them how did they thank me? By reducing my pay by $.50 an hour. Why? Because I was 19 and they had zero respect for me or my work.
My job in New York actually respected me and treated me as an adult, and continue to write recommendation letters to this day. But my job after that reverted right back to me being 20 and not treated as an equal.
I was put into a managerial position finally and was convinced that because of that I would earn some respect. But my subordinates were older than me and didn't feel like they had to listen to me. My store and district managers saw that as my problem, and had to be dealt with on my own. When I proved myself to be knowledgeable and someone they could count on, I still didn't gain respect. Instead I got told that I was just too young and needed to understand that power only came with age. I'm sorry, but WHAT? I am in your store, willing to work for you and serve customers who are over-privileged and look down on me, and you're going to disrespect me because of my age? That's disgraceful. What needs to be understood is that the next leaders are currently in the workforce right now and need to be treated as equals. When that doesn't happen, the results will be worse than whatever you think they are.
The position that I'm transitioning out of was an eye-opener. I got the job because in my interview they said I was absolutely what they were looking for. I got a raise within the first 2 months. I was on cloud 9. And then they got greedy. I took this job telling them that I was going to school full-time. That was my priority. I already couldn't graduate on time because FGCU wouldn't take my credits OR MY DEGREE from NYU but that's a whole other rant in itself. So I gave them my time while I was at work but when I'm not at work, I don't owe you anything. But more and more, they started piling more and more on my desk. And then when my work wasn't good enough, they told me I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry, because you want me to do the work of 3 people, my ONE self isn't good enough? No. I won't take being treated that way. I might be 22 and naive and "unprofessional" as my boss so lovingly put it, but I know what I'm doing. I can guarantee you there is not a single person who has met me in a professional capacity that would call me unprofessional. And I truly think he only feels that way because I bring the median age down in this office by a good 20 years. Age is not to be looked at with respect or disrespect. Someone could be 60 and never had a solid career in their lives. Or they could be 25 and know exactly what they're doing. Experience is key, not age. It may come quickly, it may come slow. It doesn't matter how it happens, if you have the skills you have the skills.
I refuse to be belittled because of my age. It happens constantly and bothers me to no end. I will be learning until the day I die but that doesn't mean I'm not knowledgeable. I firmly believe that the day you stop learning something new, your life is over.
Sorry I ranted, but I think ageism is a real thing and highly ridiculous. Feel free to disagree.
xx
Gina
Monday, April 7, 2014
Friends in Low Places
So maybe I'm naive but I think all people are inherently good. I put so much faith in people I don't even know and I get told a lot that I'm crazy, but I don't think I am.
When I was growing up the shows I watched the most were Cops and America's Most Wanted. Those aren't the most happy-go-lucky shows on TV but I took one thing away from it. Every story started with something along the lines of "Our small town was the safest place in the world, locking your front door was unheard of, until...[insert tragedy here]." I always thought that was crazy. How one incident changes how a whole town lives their lives.
I think that way because that's how I am. I lock my door because I'm "supposed" to, but I don't feel like I have to. When I run into the gas station 99% of the time I leave my car running with the windows down. I truly believe no one is going to steal it. I gave money to someone yesterday while I was getting gas and I truly believe he used it to get gas. Maybe not, maybe he needed a pack of cigarettes but at the same time...I don't care. He's struggling...I'm not. Even if someone did steal my car, I would probably feel bad for them. They're going through something way worse than I am and they needed it. They'll get theirs, I'll get insurance and replace what I lost.
I feel the same about how people are towards one another. That's why it's so hard for me to let go of friends or relationships. Even when I've been wronged I can find a light inside the other person. Everyone has a light even when it's being dimmed by their inner demons and I think we all need to remember that. Each and every one of us is fighting some sort of battle, big or small. All of our actions are responses to personal situations. So if you're choosing to not be the friend I may need, I know it's because you're going through your own thing. If you don't need me to be there for you, that's your decision. I know that any person who has wronged me, short of physically harming someone I care about, I will be there for if they asked.
Just remember that there is good inside of everyone. Maybe you just need to listen a little closer. Look in someone's eyes when they're talking to you. Read body language. It's there, I swear. Be more open and you'll see a lot clearer.
xx
Gina
When I was growing up the shows I watched the most were Cops and America's Most Wanted. Those aren't the most happy-go-lucky shows on TV but I took one thing away from it. Every story started with something along the lines of "Our small town was the safest place in the world, locking your front door was unheard of, until...[insert tragedy here]." I always thought that was crazy. How one incident changes how a whole town lives their lives.
I think that way because that's how I am. I lock my door because I'm "supposed" to, but I don't feel like I have to. When I run into the gas station 99% of the time I leave my car running with the windows down. I truly believe no one is going to steal it. I gave money to someone yesterday while I was getting gas and I truly believe he used it to get gas. Maybe not, maybe he needed a pack of cigarettes but at the same time...I don't care. He's struggling...I'm not. Even if someone did steal my car, I would probably feel bad for them. They're going through something way worse than I am and they needed it. They'll get theirs, I'll get insurance and replace what I lost.
I feel the same about how people are towards one another. That's why it's so hard for me to let go of friends or relationships. Even when I've been wronged I can find a light inside the other person. Everyone has a light even when it's being dimmed by their inner demons and I think we all need to remember that. Each and every one of us is fighting some sort of battle, big or small. All of our actions are responses to personal situations. So if you're choosing to not be the friend I may need, I know it's because you're going through your own thing. If you don't need me to be there for you, that's your decision. I know that any person who has wronged me, short of physically harming someone I care about, I will be there for if they asked.
Just remember that there is good inside of everyone. Maybe you just need to listen a little closer. Look in someone's eyes when they're talking to you. Read body language. It's there, I swear. Be more open and you'll see a lot clearer.
xx
Gina
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Today I rant. Mostly about work, but maybe some other things too.
So three days a week I come to work at 7, the other two I'm in at 8. It usually ends up that most days it's 8 because getting up at 6 is just sick. I don't have to clock in, I always take an hour lunch, and I leave when I'm supposed to because I do technically have a time-card, but it's nothing a computer calculates. I make my own time cards. The point is, Thursdays we have meetings. They're at 8 and I'm in at 8 these days, so perfect. Twice, I have come in at 8:05. Now, these meetings have about less than nothing to do with me. I'm the tech girl. I'm behind the scenes and I do everything no one else pays attention to nor talks about in a "team morale" meeting. But I got called out for being "late" which yeah I hate being late regardless so trust me I'm already mad at myself...so now I make sure I'm on time. Well, for the past two weeks and two weeks last month, the meeting has not happened without any heads up to me. So here I am, going to Dunkin Donuts because whoever thinks I'm not stopping is absurd and they take good care of me...but I never know how long the line is going to be and I have to make up time on the road for that lost waiting for my coffee. And then I get to work at 7:58 and BOOM no meeting and my boss isn't even here. I'm over it.
Then, I get called out for leaving at 4 or 5 on the dot. Yeah, I get called out for leaving when I'm supposed to. For those of my friends in retail, leaving on the dot is like bible to those people. If you stay longer they will literally shank you, so you go when it's time. I'm not salary, therefore I leave right when I'm supposed to because it's ingrained in me. Sure, I'll stay longer but I'm going to put it on my time-card....you gonna pay me? That's what I thought, you're welcome. AND it's not like I'm leaving to go throw a party...I'm leaving to go to class. Do you understand not only what 75 is like at 5pm between Immokalee and Corkscrew? Parking at FGCU when classes get out? Yeah, didn't think so. Shut your mouth.
Fast forward 10 minutes to just now when my boss called me to his desk to ask me a question. So, the woman I work closest with I would say I know pretty well. I understand how she works, what she looks for, all that stuff. So she's out at a meeting this morning and I forwarded her an email that's gonna really help what we're working on. Except my boss intercepted it because he's insane and was like "well, she won't be here until a little later, I check her email just in case." Okay crazy, what's your question. He asked why I worded something a certain way and when I said "because I know how she works and that's how she'll understand it..." he's like "well I don't like it." 1. Stop reading her email, we have it under control. 2. You don't have to like it, it's how we work. 3. You probably don't like when we make up songs about each other and sing them terrible for 20 minutes straight...but we do that anyway. GET OVER IT.
K I'm done.
xx
Gina
So three days a week I come to work at 7, the other two I'm in at 8. It usually ends up that most days it's 8 because getting up at 6 is just sick. I don't have to clock in, I always take an hour lunch, and I leave when I'm supposed to because I do technically have a time-card, but it's nothing a computer calculates. I make my own time cards. The point is, Thursdays we have meetings. They're at 8 and I'm in at 8 these days, so perfect. Twice, I have come in at 8:05. Now, these meetings have about less than nothing to do with me. I'm the tech girl. I'm behind the scenes and I do everything no one else pays attention to nor talks about in a "team morale" meeting. But I got called out for being "late" which yeah I hate being late regardless so trust me I'm already mad at myself...so now I make sure I'm on time. Well, for the past two weeks and two weeks last month, the meeting has not happened without any heads up to me. So here I am, going to Dunkin Donuts because whoever thinks I'm not stopping is absurd and they take good care of me...but I never know how long the line is going to be and I have to make up time on the road for that lost waiting for my coffee. And then I get to work at 7:58 and BOOM no meeting and my boss isn't even here. I'm over it.
Then, I get called out for leaving at 4 or 5 on the dot. Yeah, I get called out for leaving when I'm supposed to. For those of my friends in retail, leaving on the dot is like bible to those people. If you stay longer they will literally shank you, so you go when it's time. I'm not salary, therefore I leave right when I'm supposed to because it's ingrained in me. Sure, I'll stay longer but I'm going to put it on my time-card....you gonna pay me? That's what I thought, you're welcome. AND it's not like I'm leaving to go throw a party...I'm leaving to go to class. Do you understand not only what 75 is like at 5pm between Immokalee and Corkscrew? Parking at FGCU when classes get out? Yeah, didn't think so. Shut your mouth.
Fast forward 10 minutes to just now when my boss called me to his desk to ask me a question. So, the woman I work closest with I would say I know pretty well. I understand how she works, what she looks for, all that stuff. So she's out at a meeting this morning and I forwarded her an email that's gonna really help what we're working on. Except my boss intercepted it because he's insane and was like "well, she won't be here until a little later, I check her email just in case." Okay crazy, what's your question. He asked why I worded something a certain way and when I said "because I know how she works and that's how she'll understand it..." he's like "well I don't like it." 1. Stop reading her email, we have it under control. 2. You don't have to like it, it's how we work. 3. You probably don't like when we make up songs about each other and sing them terrible for 20 minutes straight...but we do that anyway. GET OVER IT.
K I'm done.
xx
Gina
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
An Open Letter....
From a certain type of girl to every type of guy.
I've wanted to write this one for a while but I'm finally putting it all together, so bare with me. This is personal to me and something I have experienced my whole life that I think maybe a lot of people, guys and girls alike, don't really understand. I'm going to try and explain.
Who is this certain type of girl? For all intents and purposes, she's the good girl. The one who never got into trouble, didn't mind giving a little extra help, was good in school, probably has an alright family life, has a decent number of friends, gets along with most anyone, works hard, but never really had a boyfriend. The logical question is why? Along with all those things above, she's not unattractive, she has a sense of humor, she can hold her own in a conversation, she's what you would almost call the right kind of girl. At least your mom would. But no, doesn't have a boyfriend. Maybe never has and not without lack of trying. I'll tell you why, based on the types of guys she has encountered. Hopefully, this opens some eyes...
The Nice Guy
You guys have probably been friends from day one. You just got along because she wasn't into the drama and you are a guy so neither are you. You have said all of the right things and she laughs at your jokes but still, nothing. You have a tendency to blame us good girls for putting you in the friend zone but news flash, no one places anyone anywhere, it's just how it works. Your personality doesn't ignite that flame in us that says yeah, there's an attraction, there's chemistry. There's nothing wrong with that, we both need friends in that capacity but stop placing blame. Because we are a so-called "good girl" we want someone who challenges us. Someone who makes us see things from a different perspective. We see things the same way, so we get along...simple as that. So for all you nice guys...think about what attracts you to a girl and put yourself in her shoes for a second.
The Bro
You like sports, video games, horror movies, drinking beer, and straight up broing out. Guess what? So does she. We will hang out with you and play video games, drink your favorite beer and introduce you to ours, and then that awkward moment where we listen to you tell us about that girl from last night. We have shared interests and your "I don't really give a shit" attitude is what draws the good girls in. But what you see is that girl who gets you and will listen to you complain about all of the wrong girls. The ones who need to be coddled and expect to be treated like princesses and you just don't get it. But we do. She's the wrong kind of girl. We know that you need one like the one you're spilling your heart out to right now but you don't get that. That's what the good girl is there for. You have no idea because she acts more like your mom than your girlfriend and that is kind of her fault...but if you're ever in that situation take a closer look. Chances are that girl you're looking for is right there, she just understands you better than you think.
The Bad Boy
The automatic draw for any and all good girls. We don't understand you. You completely flip the script on us and we're like a deer in the headlights. Except we don't run away and THAT is what flips the script on you. We see right through the image, we don't judge you for what you've done or where you come from like you're so used to and you take that out on us. You can't date girls like us because we DO actually get you. All of your relationships are superficial because you want to be left alone with your vices and continue not caring about anything but yourself. But this good girl, she makes you want to care about something other than yourself so you have to get out before it's too late. Sound familiar?
I have been in all of these situations. I'm a self-proclaimed good girl and for good reason. I've never had a boyfriend and will always openly admit that. I'm independent, I take care of myself, and I fall for the types of guys who are afraid of me. As girls we're taught to become this type of woman who doesn't need a man, can take care of herself, and will take the world by storm. I love being that girl. I would love if guys loved that these girls exist. We're going to scare the shit out of you, we're going to remind you of someone (probably your mother), we're going to put you first, but we also expect to be put first sometimes, too. I kindly request guys and girls alike get their heads out of their asses and understand why things happen the way they do. I've heard the "you're just too good of a girl" speech more times in my life than I can count. The fact that this speech exists absolutely disgusts me. I'm not too good. You're too afraid. Stop being afraid and take a freaking risk every once in a while. That girl IS GOOD ENOUGH. You, as her male counterpart, are ALSO GOOD ENOUGH.
I needed to get that off my chest.
xx
Gina
I've wanted to write this one for a while but I'm finally putting it all together, so bare with me. This is personal to me and something I have experienced my whole life that I think maybe a lot of people, guys and girls alike, don't really understand. I'm going to try and explain.
Who is this certain type of girl? For all intents and purposes, she's the good girl. The one who never got into trouble, didn't mind giving a little extra help, was good in school, probably has an alright family life, has a decent number of friends, gets along with most anyone, works hard, but never really had a boyfriend. The logical question is why? Along with all those things above, she's not unattractive, she has a sense of humor, she can hold her own in a conversation, she's what you would almost call the right kind of girl. At least your mom would. But no, doesn't have a boyfriend. Maybe never has and not without lack of trying. I'll tell you why, based on the types of guys she has encountered. Hopefully, this opens some eyes...
The Nice Guy
You guys have probably been friends from day one. You just got along because she wasn't into the drama and you are a guy so neither are you. You have said all of the right things and she laughs at your jokes but still, nothing. You have a tendency to blame us good girls for putting you in the friend zone but news flash, no one places anyone anywhere, it's just how it works. Your personality doesn't ignite that flame in us that says yeah, there's an attraction, there's chemistry. There's nothing wrong with that, we both need friends in that capacity but stop placing blame. Because we are a so-called "good girl" we want someone who challenges us. Someone who makes us see things from a different perspective. We see things the same way, so we get along...simple as that. So for all you nice guys...think about what attracts you to a girl and put yourself in her shoes for a second.
The Bro
You like sports, video games, horror movies, drinking beer, and straight up broing out. Guess what? So does she. We will hang out with you and play video games, drink your favorite beer and introduce you to ours, and then that awkward moment where we listen to you tell us about that girl from last night. We have shared interests and your "I don't really give a shit" attitude is what draws the good girls in. But what you see is that girl who gets you and will listen to you complain about all of the wrong girls. The ones who need to be coddled and expect to be treated like princesses and you just don't get it. But we do. She's the wrong kind of girl. We know that you need one like the one you're spilling your heart out to right now but you don't get that. That's what the good girl is there for. You have no idea because she acts more like your mom than your girlfriend and that is kind of her fault...but if you're ever in that situation take a closer look. Chances are that girl you're looking for is right there, she just understands you better than you think.
The Bad Boy
The automatic draw for any and all good girls. We don't understand you. You completely flip the script on us and we're like a deer in the headlights. Except we don't run away and THAT is what flips the script on you. We see right through the image, we don't judge you for what you've done or where you come from like you're so used to and you take that out on us. You can't date girls like us because we DO actually get you. All of your relationships are superficial because you want to be left alone with your vices and continue not caring about anything but yourself. But this good girl, she makes you want to care about something other than yourself so you have to get out before it's too late. Sound familiar?
I have been in all of these situations. I'm a self-proclaimed good girl and for good reason. I've never had a boyfriend and will always openly admit that. I'm independent, I take care of myself, and I fall for the types of guys who are afraid of me. As girls we're taught to become this type of woman who doesn't need a man, can take care of herself, and will take the world by storm. I love being that girl. I would love if guys loved that these girls exist. We're going to scare the shit out of you, we're going to remind you of someone (probably your mother), we're going to put you first, but we also expect to be put first sometimes, too. I kindly request guys and girls alike get their heads out of their asses and understand why things happen the way they do. I've heard the "you're just too good of a girl" speech more times in my life than I can count. The fact that this speech exists absolutely disgusts me. I'm not too good. You're too afraid. Stop being afraid and take a freaking risk every once in a while. That girl IS GOOD ENOUGH. You, as her male counterpart, are ALSO GOOD ENOUGH.
I needed to get that off my chest.
xx
Gina
Thursday, March 20, 2014
She's Got a Gypsy Soul to Blame and She Was Born for Leaving
So more and more I will look at my page views just to see whats going on and on days when I don't post anything, there are still page views. (My own don't count, don't worry) But I think that's pretty cool. I usually only write when I have something to say, I don't want to cloud the internet with garbage anymore than it already is, but I figured today is as good of a day as any to say whatever it is I'm thinking about.
I have to be up at like 3:30 tomorrow morning to take my giiiirl to the airport so she can go to North Carolina for the weekend. Then I decided to just go to work right after so I'm doing that at a not-so-bright and early 5am. Then I'll work very poorly until 1, when I get to leave myself for the airport.
I guess it was like two weeks ago, I was talking to my favorite little lady in New York about coming to see her, but she was busy so we made a plan for this weekend. So now, I'm going to New York tomorrow. And if I'm being honest, I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT. I haven't needed to get this far away from everything in a really long time. And nothing is even particularly bad right now. Like I don't think I'm mad at anyone, or I'm hurting because of anyone...nothing. I'm just so sick of the same thing every single day that I need the spice of my city to wake me up a little. Inspire me, I guess.
It's strange because I do get inspired here, don't get me wrong. I'll be driving home from work with the windows down listening to whatever my mood dictates that day and I'll just be happy. It's such a stark difference from where I was almost 4 years ago when I would get in my car and drive around. All I saw were negatives and the bad things now I can't seem to find them anywhere. But nothing compares to the lights and the sounds and the people and the culture. If I had one word for it, it would be magical. I wasted it when I lived there. I was blind to the magic. Even when I would visit the couple times after I was still blind to it, numb even.
I think now I'm in such a better place to appreciate it completely. I have my days where it still gets a little foggy but I think this time when I see my city again, it's gonna be through a completely new lens. I'm stoked.
Until next time, lovers.
xx
Gina
I have to be up at like 3:30 tomorrow morning to take my giiiirl to the airport so she can go to North Carolina for the weekend. Then I decided to just go to work right after so I'm doing that at a not-so-bright and early 5am. Then I'll work very poorly until 1, when I get to leave myself for the airport.
I guess it was like two weeks ago, I was talking to my favorite little lady in New York about coming to see her, but she was busy so we made a plan for this weekend. So now, I'm going to New York tomorrow. And if I'm being honest, I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT. I haven't needed to get this far away from everything in a really long time. And nothing is even particularly bad right now. Like I don't think I'm mad at anyone, or I'm hurting because of anyone...nothing. I'm just so sick of the same thing every single day that I need the spice of my city to wake me up a little. Inspire me, I guess.
It's strange because I do get inspired here, don't get me wrong. I'll be driving home from work with the windows down listening to whatever my mood dictates that day and I'll just be happy. It's such a stark difference from where I was almost 4 years ago when I would get in my car and drive around. All I saw were negatives and the bad things now I can't seem to find them anywhere. But nothing compares to the lights and the sounds and the people and the culture. If I had one word for it, it would be magical. I wasted it when I lived there. I was blind to the magic. Even when I would visit the couple times after I was still blind to it, numb even.
I think now I'm in such a better place to appreciate it completely. I have my days where it still gets a little foggy but I think this time when I see my city again, it's gonna be through a completely new lens. I'm stoked.
Until next time, lovers.
xx
Gina
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Green Bananas
The diary of a girl who spends a lot of time by herself:
Over the past month I have become my own best friend. The way I was my own best friend 2 years ago, something I forgot how to do. We get content being by ourselves when it's all we know. When that changes and someone else starts taking up our time and becoming part of us coming down from that is really hard. I wouldn't say I'm completely content, but I'm alright.
I make decisions based on what I want for the first time in a very long time. I would wait to get my nails done until the very last minute because I had to make sure I wasn't wanted/needed anywhere else. Now, I don't ask. I just go do. I wake up on the weekend and decide to drive across the state. I haven't been able to do that since I first moved home because I let someone else decide what I should do. I sleep whenever I want for as long as I want. I used to do this all the time. I stopped when I started having to be there for someone else at the drop of a hat. Now, I sleep. But probably too much because right around 3am I'm ready to go, every single day.
It's crazy how you let others change you without even realizing it. I didn't even notice how much I didn't like who I was until now. I listened to different music, watched different TV, "liked" different things just to placate someone else. Like I am THAT much of a people-pleaser that I will alter my likes and dislikes just to make someone else happy. But now, shooooooooooot watch out. I listen to the same playlist for days on end and sing the same songs at the top of my lungs in my car with all the windows down. I D G A F. Haha yeah that just happened. I watch Pokemon on Netflix, hate on it. (It is not as good when you're not 10 or trading the cards, btw). I just watched every episode of Lockdown and after convincing myself that I could totally survive in prison; I could not. I would end up like one guy in the last episode that went straight up POSTAL after 5 days in county. County. Yeah, sup, that'd be me.
So yeah, I'm still learning things about myself every day. Sometimes I drive myself crazy and need to like actually go out and see other people, but most of the time it's just me, myself, and I. Back in the day I loved being by myself; then I hated it because I spent all of my time with others; now, I'm cool with it again. No one knows me better than me, except maybe Catherine, but she has this weird way of seeing straight through me no matter what I say. It's cool though. I encourage everyone to spend some good quality time solo, you'll surprise yourself with what you learn.
xx
Gina
Over the past month I have become my own best friend. The way I was my own best friend 2 years ago, something I forgot how to do. We get content being by ourselves when it's all we know. When that changes and someone else starts taking up our time and becoming part of us coming down from that is really hard. I wouldn't say I'm completely content, but I'm alright.
I make decisions based on what I want for the first time in a very long time. I would wait to get my nails done until the very last minute because I had to make sure I wasn't wanted/needed anywhere else. Now, I don't ask. I just go do. I wake up on the weekend and decide to drive across the state. I haven't been able to do that since I first moved home because I let someone else decide what I should do. I sleep whenever I want for as long as I want. I used to do this all the time. I stopped when I started having to be there for someone else at the drop of a hat. Now, I sleep. But probably too much because right around 3am I'm ready to go, every single day.
It's crazy how you let others change you without even realizing it. I didn't even notice how much I didn't like who I was until now. I listened to different music, watched different TV, "liked" different things just to placate someone else. Like I am THAT much of a people-pleaser that I will alter my likes and dislikes just to make someone else happy. But now, shooooooooooot watch out. I listen to the same playlist for days on end and sing the same songs at the top of my lungs in my car with all the windows down. I D G A F. Haha yeah that just happened. I watch Pokemon on Netflix, hate on it. (It is not as good when you're not 10 or trading the cards, btw). I just watched every episode of Lockdown and after convincing myself that I could totally survive in prison; I could not. I would end up like one guy in the last episode that went straight up POSTAL after 5 days in county. County. Yeah, sup, that'd be me.
So yeah, I'm still learning things about myself every day. Sometimes I drive myself crazy and need to like actually go out and see other people, but most of the time it's just me, myself, and I. Back in the day I loved being by myself; then I hated it because I spent all of my time with others; now, I'm cool with it again. No one knows me better than me, except maybe Catherine, but she has this weird way of seeing straight through me no matter what I say. It's cool though. I encourage everyone to spend some good quality time solo, you'll surprise yourself with what you learn.
xx
Gina
Monday, March 3, 2014
We Live in a Generation of Not Being in Love
I love my friends. It might seem like I say that a lot but I really honestly do. We've all come so far from who we were when we first met whether it was someone's backyard, high school, or work. And because I love them so much and we're all in such different phases of our lives not only with work or school but with relationships, too. I just want to throw a little bit of encouragement and sheer admiration to each of my friends real quick because you all teach me more about myself just being you than I could ever teach myself.
You've probably come the furthest and are the single-most inspirational. You take on the world and while I know what it feels like to say no and feel like you're giving up I really need you to put yourself first. You're beautiful, witty, and absolutely everyone loves you from the moment they meet you. I need you to see that. I said this the other night and I mean it; you're going to be afraid until you learn to trust yourself AND those you surround yourself with. Letting go is part of that process. Having control might be the only way you know how to do things; which trust me I understand; but sometimes it's the worst thing for us. You have so much to offer and will always kick ass at whatever you do but to be loved you have to love yourself first. So I will continue to love you until you see that, and then forever after.
No one has been there for me like you have. Any negative thought I have goes straight to you for immediate analyzing. You have this knack for taking whatever issue I think I'm facing and just...making it better. You just get all of who I am and are the constant reminder of who I want to be. It's funny because I'm at a loss for words about you because I think I've said all of this to you over and over and I, of all people, am running out of amazing things to say about you. From crying with me in my driveway 8 years ago to opening up my horizons to all this world can offer. I love you.
It gets better, I promise. If you read this, refer to my post from December 12th. Read that and live it. It helped me so much, and I wrote that before I even knew I needed it. But you're crazy strong, too. You have grown into this unafraid, willing to try anything once girl I honestly never thought I would see you become and I love it. It's inspiring. In high school I think we were both just as...comfortable with being who we were at the time that's why we got along so well. There was no judgement, just understanding. And I think we're in that same place now. We're turning into like real world adults versus the bitches we used to be sitting in my car in the junior lot judging every single person that walked by my car. I love that you've opened your heart and some many more things make sense now. I get it. And if you need it, I'm always here. I love you and I may not say that enough or talk to you enough, but hopefully you know that.
Another strong one. Don't take it personally that yours may not be as long as others but I feel like you've just got it kind of figured out right now. You know what you want, what you don't, what you don't want to mess with, and who not to associate with. You weren't always that way. But now you make better decisions than I do and I love it. The more lost I get the more you seem to find yourself and it's really inspiring to see you every day and kind of push me in the right direction. Again, you might not even notice it but everything you do shapes a lot of the decisions I make. It could be because I don't want to disappoint you, but it doesn't matter the reason. It's funny how you don't realize how much you need someone every day, even if it's just for a minute, until you have them every day.
And lastly, my beautiful little mess. It's in my nature to try and fix people and things but with you I know there is no "fixing". With you I just listen because as much as I tell you what I think I always know you won't act on what I say. I will just continue to ask you questions to help you see maybe the root of what's really going on. But I love you regardless. You are hands down my craziest friend and I love being crazy with you. Honestly, if it weren't for you there are a thousand things I never would have done. So thank you. We probably had the most inappropriate manager-employee relationship in the history of retail but I thought it was pretty awesome. And I love that I'm still in your phone as Gina Weena. Some things never change <3 p="">
For those that get me through, this is for you. Just a little love to start March off right.
xx
Gina
You've probably come the furthest and are the single-most inspirational. You take on the world and while I know what it feels like to say no and feel like you're giving up I really need you to put yourself first. You're beautiful, witty, and absolutely everyone loves you from the moment they meet you. I need you to see that. I said this the other night and I mean it; you're going to be afraid until you learn to trust yourself AND those you surround yourself with. Letting go is part of that process. Having control might be the only way you know how to do things; which trust me I understand; but sometimes it's the worst thing for us. You have so much to offer and will always kick ass at whatever you do but to be loved you have to love yourself first. So I will continue to love you until you see that, and then forever after.
No one has been there for me like you have. Any negative thought I have goes straight to you for immediate analyzing. You have this knack for taking whatever issue I think I'm facing and just...making it better. You just get all of who I am and are the constant reminder of who I want to be. It's funny because I'm at a loss for words about you because I think I've said all of this to you over and over and I, of all people, am running out of amazing things to say about you. From crying with me in my driveway 8 years ago to opening up my horizons to all this world can offer. I love you.
It gets better, I promise. If you read this, refer to my post from December 12th. Read that and live it. It helped me so much, and I wrote that before I even knew I needed it. But you're crazy strong, too. You have grown into this unafraid, willing to try anything once girl I honestly never thought I would see you become and I love it. It's inspiring. In high school I think we were both just as...comfortable with being who we were at the time that's why we got along so well. There was no judgement, just understanding. And I think we're in that same place now. We're turning into like real world adults versus the bitches we used to be sitting in my car in the junior lot judging every single person that walked by my car. I love that you've opened your heart and some many more things make sense now. I get it. And if you need it, I'm always here. I love you and I may not say that enough or talk to you enough, but hopefully you know that.
Another strong one. Don't take it personally that yours may not be as long as others but I feel like you've just got it kind of figured out right now. You know what you want, what you don't, what you don't want to mess with, and who not to associate with. You weren't always that way. But now you make better decisions than I do and I love it. The more lost I get the more you seem to find yourself and it's really inspiring to see you every day and kind of push me in the right direction. Again, you might not even notice it but everything you do shapes a lot of the decisions I make. It could be because I don't want to disappoint you, but it doesn't matter the reason. It's funny how you don't realize how much you need someone every day, even if it's just for a minute, until you have them every day.
And lastly, my beautiful little mess. It's in my nature to try and fix people and things but with you I know there is no "fixing". With you I just listen because as much as I tell you what I think I always know you won't act on what I say. I will just continue to ask you questions to help you see maybe the root of what's really going on. But I love you regardless. You are hands down my craziest friend and I love being crazy with you. Honestly, if it weren't for you there are a thousand things I never would have done. So thank you. We probably had the most inappropriate manager-employee relationship in the history of retail but I thought it was pretty awesome. And I love that I'm still in your phone as Gina Weena. Some things never change <3 p="">
For those that get me through, this is for you. Just a little love to start March off right.
xx
Gina
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Say Something I'm Giving Up On You
Letting go. What a concept. I'm not so good at this. I'm a very nostalgic person so it's really hard for me to get rid of things, let alone people. The good, the bad, the ugly, the mean...I keep it all because I'm scared of what it means to let it go.
When I was in elementary school I needed crayons and my dad went out and bought me a pack of these Pokemon RoseArt crayons. I doubt he remembers this. But I thought it was so cool. And I left them in the car one day and they melted. I cried that they melted because my dad had gone out and bought them specifically for me. Even writing about it now makes me sad, I'm that sentimental.
I have movie tickets from middle school. I have more memory boxes than any normal person needs. I have stuffed animals and I still love them, as my darling roommate/best friend so sweetly pointed out the other day when I was squealing over a stuffed duck at Target. I'm a sucker, what can I say. I have notebooks from high school, hell I have a folder from middle school full of papers. I'm not too keen on the concept of "gone forever." I know you're thinking that I'm well on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady hoarder, but for right now that's not where this post is going.
My point is people. It's so hard for me to let go of things, imagine how hard it is for me to let go of people. I don't like to forget. I like to think that I have a ridiculously good memory for a reason. The friends I've had throughout my life, I've hated losing all of the ones I've lost so far. I couldn't imagine losing the ones I have now. That's just friends. So far in my life I've never lost a family member and I don't know if I'll ever be ready to face something like that. But sometimes we need to let go regardless of what we think it'll do to us.
Some people are just bad for us. They have negative effects on us and become more of a drug than a shoulder to lean on. I think the people that are right for you in your life are our own personal antibiotics. They save us, make us feel better, etc., but we don't always need them. Even when we don't, though, we can still get them. There might even be some extra laying around somewhere from the last time. The right people will pick you up and push your forward, not hold you in the same place with them forever. That's not the point. Moving forward and forging a path is the point. Bring the right ones with you and let the bad ones go, no matter the cost. The reward will be greater.
I'll let go with you.
xx
Gina
When I was in elementary school I needed crayons and my dad went out and bought me a pack of these Pokemon RoseArt crayons. I doubt he remembers this. But I thought it was so cool. And I left them in the car one day and they melted. I cried that they melted because my dad had gone out and bought them specifically for me. Even writing about it now makes me sad, I'm that sentimental.
I have movie tickets from middle school. I have more memory boxes than any normal person needs. I have stuffed animals and I still love them, as my darling roommate/best friend so sweetly pointed out the other day when I was squealing over a stuffed duck at Target. I'm a sucker, what can I say. I have notebooks from high school, hell I have a folder from middle school full of papers. I'm not too keen on the concept of "gone forever." I know you're thinking that I'm well on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady hoarder, but for right now that's not where this post is going.
My point is people. It's so hard for me to let go of things, imagine how hard it is for me to let go of people. I don't like to forget. I like to think that I have a ridiculously good memory for a reason. The friends I've had throughout my life, I've hated losing all of the ones I've lost so far. I couldn't imagine losing the ones I have now. That's just friends. So far in my life I've never lost a family member and I don't know if I'll ever be ready to face something like that. But sometimes we need to let go regardless of what we think it'll do to us.
Some people are just bad for us. They have negative effects on us and become more of a drug than a shoulder to lean on. I think the people that are right for you in your life are our own personal antibiotics. They save us, make us feel better, etc., but we don't always need them. Even when we don't, though, we can still get them. There might even be some extra laying around somewhere from the last time. The right people will pick you up and push your forward, not hold you in the same place with them forever. That's not the point. Moving forward and forging a path is the point. Bring the right ones with you and let the bad ones go, no matter the cost. The reward will be greater.
I'll let go with you.
xx
Gina
Thursday, February 13, 2014
So Long My Friend, Until We Meet Again
This is a personal one.
The first person I have ever truly loved is leaving today. Moving back to the place they consider home and leaving behind the life and the person they have created here. I'm sad, to say the least, and I could use inspirational quotes and song lyrics to express that but I really don't want to. I want to feel every part of this.
Things were never quite right with us. There isn't anyone close to me who could say that they like him. But that doesn't matter to me. When you're biased you're blind to anything remotely wrong. I see all the same red flags they see. I see all the problems and reasons to walk away that they see. And that they have seen. But I don't care.
In being a fan of movies and books you see a lot of love stories. The ones that work out, the ones that don't, the ones with a cheating speed bump, or the ones with the wrong timing speed bump. I have always watched them or read them and never really felt anything. The stories never made me cry or feel anything other than admiration for this thing called love. My thoughts on that are different now and I cry when the guy leaves or when the girl changes her mind or when things just don't quite go the way they were supposed to.
I pride myself on being a sort of cryptic open book. You can read my pages all you want but to understand the language is something different entirely. For most people. The ones closest to me know my secrets and the things I don't like others to know. But this guy. The one I love (who did go remarkably silent when he heard those 3 words a few days ago) gets my language, too. And I think it's an even different language than anyone else has seen. The silly, all-understanding, open to anything, smiling, caring, affectionate, nerdy, quiet, obnoxious, weird version of me. It's taught me a lot about myself. Who do I want to be when people are looking? I know who I am when I'm alone and I'm comfortable with that person but in public and in front of others I'm not that same person. I'm reserved and stoic and a little bit robotic. Most people would be surprised to know that's not the real me.
I used to want to be an actress. I can always assume the mindset of someone else and everything was so dramatic. But I guess maybe I'm one every day. I know people's triggers and what's going to make that next thing happen and I know when to act and when not to. But I think love changes that. For me, it was only in front of the person I love. I didn't open that part of me up to others except when he was around.
I don't know if there's a point to what I'm saying other than that I understand a little more now. Love does change things about who we are and how we act. I know this one in particular is going to change a lot of things about me and that used to scare me. And I am a little scared of not really knowing what's coming next but I'm not crippled. I thought when he left I would be crippled. But I really think I'll be okay.
xx
Gina
The first person I have ever truly loved is leaving today. Moving back to the place they consider home and leaving behind the life and the person they have created here. I'm sad, to say the least, and I could use inspirational quotes and song lyrics to express that but I really don't want to. I want to feel every part of this.
Things were never quite right with us. There isn't anyone close to me who could say that they like him. But that doesn't matter to me. When you're biased you're blind to anything remotely wrong. I see all the same red flags they see. I see all the problems and reasons to walk away that they see. And that they have seen. But I don't care.
In being a fan of movies and books you see a lot of love stories. The ones that work out, the ones that don't, the ones with a cheating speed bump, or the ones with the wrong timing speed bump. I have always watched them or read them and never really felt anything. The stories never made me cry or feel anything other than admiration for this thing called love. My thoughts on that are different now and I cry when the guy leaves or when the girl changes her mind or when things just don't quite go the way they were supposed to.
I pride myself on being a sort of cryptic open book. You can read my pages all you want but to understand the language is something different entirely. For most people. The ones closest to me know my secrets and the things I don't like others to know. But this guy. The one I love (who did go remarkably silent when he heard those 3 words a few days ago) gets my language, too. And I think it's an even different language than anyone else has seen. The silly, all-understanding, open to anything, smiling, caring, affectionate, nerdy, quiet, obnoxious, weird version of me. It's taught me a lot about myself. Who do I want to be when people are looking? I know who I am when I'm alone and I'm comfortable with that person but in public and in front of others I'm not that same person. I'm reserved and stoic and a little bit robotic. Most people would be surprised to know that's not the real me.
I used to want to be an actress. I can always assume the mindset of someone else and everything was so dramatic. But I guess maybe I'm one every day. I know people's triggers and what's going to make that next thing happen and I know when to act and when not to. But I think love changes that. For me, it was only in front of the person I love. I didn't open that part of me up to others except when he was around.
I don't know if there's a point to what I'm saying other than that I understand a little more now. Love does change things about who we are and how we act. I know this one in particular is going to change a lot of things about me and that used to scare me. And I am a little scared of not really knowing what's coming next but I'm not crippled. I thought when he left I would be crippled. But I really think I'll be okay.
xx
Gina
Friday, January 31, 2014
Beautifully Strong, Tragically Confused
^ My title is from a song Lucy Hale sang yesterday. I love words.
The question I get the most from people is, "How?" About everything and anything. How do I find time, or how did I make that happen, or how did I get to do that, or how is that possible?
I love and hate this question because it's so simple and everyone makes it so complex. We are all sitting around watching Facebook and Instragram wishing we were those people in the pictures. So-and-so is studying abroad in France and you've never left the country. That girl you went to high school with is getting ready to marry the love of her life and you're still single (haaaay story of my life). But you know what you don't see? How much so-and-so misses their own bed and their own country and their own friends. Yeah, they're having the time of their life but they are looking at your pictures of simple home life and wishing for that because we're never satisfied. That girl you went to high school with just got into a huge fight with her fiance and she posted that picture because she's trying to hang on to the good times and forget what just happened.
Yesterday, I had a handful of people ask me how I got to meet Lucy Hale and that I was so lucky and they wanted to go to Gulf Coast and see her. I'll answer your question, but I have one for you first. How didn't you? Everyone sets themselves up for not getting what they want and I seriously don't get that. I won the chance to meet Lucy Hale on the radio. That's all. But do you want to know the real story?
Last weekend my dad told me that he heard Lucy Hale from "some show with 'pretty' and 'liar' in the title" was going to be at House of Brews in Gulf Coast yesterday. So logically I freaked and was like "okay cool I'll be there" because that's my natural response to everything I want to do. If I want to do it I usually do because WHY NOT but I'll get back to that. As the week progressed I started feeling guiltier and guiltier because all of my responsibilities have been kind of slipping through my fingers. I work a full-time job Monday through Friday from a general time of 7am-4pm. Every evening except Tuesday I go to class, carrying a full course-load of 4 classes. On the weekends, I do technology consulting for 2 realtors who are just setting up websites, blogs, etc. But recently, I've been sick so I missed 3 days of work and class, then last week I went to the Brad Paisley concert (because WHY NOT) and now I'm like 'damnit, Lucy Hale is on a Thursday I'll miss that class for the 3rd week in a row). So don't think I don't understand priorities. I do. I completely get it. But where there's a will, there's a way. So back to the point, I had decided I couldn't go to Lucy Hale, I needed to be responsible because I've been slacking lately. Then I was listening to the radio and they were giving away the chance to see her in studio at the radio before she went to House of Brews. So I called. I didn't win Monday or Tuesday. I called Wednesday, and I won. That's it. And so I worked, left and picked up a family member that I took with me, went and had so much fun, dropped her off, and went to school. I was in bed by 9pm.
What I'm trying to say is it all looks so fun and cool from the outside. While it is fun and cool there's real life behind it. There's always real life behind it. But if you don't mix in a little fun and a little something different every once in a while you're going to go crazy. I sometimes wish that I could go home from work every day like I would see my parents do when I was growing up, get home, have dinner, sit on the couch and watch TV. Day in, day out. But you know what? I know I don't really want that. I like that I get home and relax and then decide to get up and go do something else because I can. Tickets are cheap enough for a concert on the other coast that I can make happen with minimal risk? I'm going.
My general point is stop making excuses. I hate excuses. "I really wanted to see that!!!!" Why didn't you? Do you have a legitimate reason? I understand work and school obligations, trust me I do, but I understand sanity, too. If you're all work and no play you're going to hate yourself in the end. No one else, just you. There's always room to make what you want happen. I believe that solely because I live it. You can be scared, sure, but I would rather be scared than have regrets. I regret nothing. Ever. And I shouldn't. I wanted it, I got it, I did it, it's done, I'm still kicking.
Get up and go do something you said you couldn't.
xx
Gina
The question I get the most from people is, "How?" About everything and anything. How do I find time, or how did I make that happen, or how did I get to do that, or how is that possible?
I love and hate this question because it's so simple and everyone makes it so complex. We are all sitting around watching Facebook and Instragram wishing we were those people in the pictures. So-and-so is studying abroad in France and you've never left the country. That girl you went to high school with is getting ready to marry the love of her life and you're still single (haaaay story of my life). But you know what you don't see? How much so-and-so misses their own bed and their own country and their own friends. Yeah, they're having the time of their life but they are looking at your pictures of simple home life and wishing for that because we're never satisfied. That girl you went to high school with just got into a huge fight with her fiance and she posted that picture because she's trying to hang on to the good times and forget what just happened.
Yesterday, I had a handful of people ask me how I got to meet Lucy Hale and that I was so lucky and they wanted to go to Gulf Coast and see her. I'll answer your question, but I have one for you first. How didn't you? Everyone sets themselves up for not getting what they want and I seriously don't get that. I won the chance to meet Lucy Hale on the radio. That's all. But do you want to know the real story?
Last weekend my dad told me that he heard Lucy Hale from "some show with 'pretty' and 'liar' in the title" was going to be at House of Brews in Gulf Coast yesterday. So logically I freaked and was like "okay cool I'll be there" because that's my natural response to everything I want to do. If I want to do it I usually do because WHY NOT but I'll get back to that. As the week progressed I started feeling guiltier and guiltier because all of my responsibilities have been kind of slipping through my fingers. I work a full-time job Monday through Friday from a general time of 7am-4pm. Every evening except Tuesday I go to class, carrying a full course-load of 4 classes. On the weekends, I do technology consulting for 2 realtors who are just setting up websites, blogs, etc. But recently, I've been sick so I missed 3 days of work and class, then last week I went to the Brad Paisley concert (because WHY NOT) and now I'm like 'damnit, Lucy Hale is on a Thursday I'll miss that class for the 3rd week in a row). So don't think I don't understand priorities. I do. I completely get it. But where there's a will, there's a way. So back to the point, I had decided I couldn't go to Lucy Hale, I needed to be responsible because I've been slacking lately. Then I was listening to the radio and they were giving away the chance to see her in studio at the radio before she went to House of Brews. So I called. I didn't win Monday or Tuesday. I called Wednesday, and I won. That's it. And so I worked, left and picked up a family member that I took with me, went and had so much fun, dropped her off, and went to school. I was in bed by 9pm.
What I'm trying to say is it all looks so fun and cool from the outside. While it is fun and cool there's real life behind it. There's always real life behind it. But if you don't mix in a little fun and a little something different every once in a while you're going to go crazy. I sometimes wish that I could go home from work every day like I would see my parents do when I was growing up, get home, have dinner, sit on the couch and watch TV. Day in, day out. But you know what? I know I don't really want that. I like that I get home and relax and then decide to get up and go do something else because I can. Tickets are cheap enough for a concert on the other coast that I can make happen with minimal risk? I'm going.
My general point is stop making excuses. I hate excuses. "I really wanted to see that!!!!" Why didn't you? Do you have a legitimate reason? I understand work and school obligations, trust me I do, but I understand sanity, too. If you're all work and no play you're going to hate yourself in the end. No one else, just you. There's always room to make what you want happen. I believe that solely because I live it. You can be scared, sure, but I would rather be scared than have regrets. I regret nothing. Ever. And I shouldn't. I wanted it, I got it, I did it, it's done, I'm still kicking.
Get up and go do something you said you couldn't.
xx
Gina
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Time Marches On
In my dreams, people are telling me that I look tired and exhausted. I can tell you that in real life, I am tired and exhausted. Mentally and physically.
Every time I take one thing off of my plate it seems like I pile 3 more on. I stretch myself so thin that it's starting to tear and the quality of my product is not as great as it should be. Like right now, all I can think about is going to take a nap in my car, I'm that tired. yesterday I came to work an hour late because I was just too tired to get out of bed.
My problem is that I don't know how to say no. It's not that I want to help people so much that they're offering me money and why would I turn down easy opportunities to make money when the only trade off is sleep. Answer: I wouldn't, therefore I don't. So my weekends consist of working for other people and doing homework when I have the energy to move. My weekdays are work until school and then sleep. Eating happens in there sometimes, but not really always. A lot of caffeine consumption, that happens no matter what.
But right now I just want to sleep. I woke up at 4:30 this morning when my alarm was gonna go off at 6 and all I could think about was how much I wanted to just turn it off and not care what happened if I just keep sleeping until I couldn't sleep anymore. Right now, I have a killer headache that is saying get the F out of here and go to bed. But I have 6 hours of work to do before I can do that.
I have the opportunity to do what I have always wanted to do with my life and I'm actually pretty scared. 1. Because I'm so tired my drive to do it lost somewhere with my desire to eat food. 2. Because it involves my writing and I'm so terribly afraid that I'm not good enough and I'm going to scare myself out of the best opportunity I could hope to come across right now. 3. And I have been given so much lately, I don't want to look the gift horse in the mouth. This could all be for naught, however, because I am 10 steps ahead of myself as usual.
These next 7 days are going to suck. Bittersweet, to say the least. A lot of insight soon to come.
xx
Gina
Every time I take one thing off of my plate it seems like I pile 3 more on. I stretch myself so thin that it's starting to tear and the quality of my product is not as great as it should be. Like right now, all I can think about is going to take a nap in my car, I'm that tired. yesterday I came to work an hour late because I was just too tired to get out of bed.
My problem is that I don't know how to say no. It's not that I want to help people so much that they're offering me money and why would I turn down easy opportunities to make money when the only trade off is sleep. Answer: I wouldn't, therefore I don't. So my weekends consist of working for other people and doing homework when I have the energy to move. My weekdays are work until school and then sleep. Eating happens in there sometimes, but not really always. A lot of caffeine consumption, that happens no matter what.
But right now I just want to sleep. I woke up at 4:30 this morning when my alarm was gonna go off at 6 and all I could think about was how much I wanted to just turn it off and not care what happened if I just keep sleeping until I couldn't sleep anymore. Right now, I have a killer headache that is saying get the F out of here and go to bed. But I have 6 hours of work to do before I can do that.
I have the opportunity to do what I have always wanted to do with my life and I'm actually pretty scared. 1. Because I'm so tired my drive to do it lost somewhere with my desire to eat food. 2. Because it involves my writing and I'm so terribly afraid that I'm not good enough and I'm going to scare myself out of the best opportunity I could hope to come across right now. 3. And I have been given so much lately, I don't want to look the gift horse in the mouth. This could all be for naught, however, because I am 10 steps ahead of myself as usual.
These next 7 days are going to suck. Bittersweet, to say the least. A lot of insight soon to come.
xx
Gina
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Heads or Tails
My coin has two sides today. I don't really have an overwhelming urge to write but I always have something to say.
The truth is hard to admit, whether it's to yourself or to anyone else. I usually think it's harder to admit to myself because I can lie and no one would know the difference because as strong as you believe in something is however true you make it. I lie to myself all the time. I would like to think I'm stronger than I am, and I tell myself that every day, but I don't really act on it ever. I want to, but I'm not ready to, so I don't. I could beat myself up about it but I don't do that either. I'm very, "it is what it is," on that topic. But the truth is hard to tell other people, too. I know if I told everyone the truth I would be in a lot of trouble, quite often. So I omit. I don't flat out tell lies, I just don't offer up as much as I could. I've learned this trick over time because I used to offer up the truth constantly but I was shown that people will beat you up for that. If they know the truth they'll hold it against you. You can have the pretty idea that they won't because they love you or whatever the case may be, but they will. They always do. I pray I don't get asked specific questions and I just skate by. But if I have to, I will lie. Sorry, but I'm not sorry. Not everyone needs to know everything. That's something I've always struggled with because I really do hate to lie. But I know the truth is either going to hurt someone else or make me feel bad and maybe it's selfish, but I don't want to feel bad.
Following that train of that concerning not feeling bad, I'm a stickler for finding what you're good at or what you like to do, and doing it. Whether it's a job or just an every day thing, who cares. GO AND DO IT. I know I probably sound like a broken record but I feel like anything short of illegal or harmful is your prerogative and shouldn't be influenced by anyone else. Do what makes you happy and F everyone else. In all aspects of life. Yeah.
xx
Gina
The truth is hard to admit, whether it's to yourself or to anyone else. I usually think it's harder to admit to myself because I can lie and no one would know the difference because as strong as you believe in something is however true you make it. I lie to myself all the time. I would like to think I'm stronger than I am, and I tell myself that every day, but I don't really act on it ever. I want to, but I'm not ready to, so I don't. I could beat myself up about it but I don't do that either. I'm very, "it is what it is," on that topic. But the truth is hard to tell other people, too. I know if I told everyone the truth I would be in a lot of trouble, quite often. So I omit. I don't flat out tell lies, I just don't offer up as much as I could. I've learned this trick over time because I used to offer up the truth constantly but I was shown that people will beat you up for that. If they know the truth they'll hold it against you. You can have the pretty idea that they won't because they love you or whatever the case may be, but they will. They always do. I pray I don't get asked specific questions and I just skate by. But if I have to, I will lie. Sorry, but I'm not sorry. Not everyone needs to know everything. That's something I've always struggled with because I really do hate to lie. But I know the truth is either going to hurt someone else or make me feel bad and maybe it's selfish, but I don't want to feel bad.
Following that train of that concerning not feeling bad, I'm a stickler for finding what you're good at or what you like to do, and doing it. Whether it's a job or just an every day thing, who cares. GO AND DO IT. I know I probably sound like a broken record but I feel like anything short of illegal or harmful is your prerogative and shouldn't be influenced by anyone else. Do what makes you happy and F everyone else. In all aspects of life. Yeah.
xx
Gina
Friday, January 10, 2014
Blerg
It's raining so I'm ranting.
Pet peeves. I probably say "UGH that's my biggest pet peeve!" like 30 times a day. For different things, of course. So therefore, I have a lot of pet peeves. Like chewing with your mouth open, unless you are sick and cannot breathe out of your nose. Understood. Otherwise, SHUT IT. People who interrupt you mid-sentence because they just straight up were not listening to you at all. That's a good one, DAD. Or asking a question about something that I just gave an answer to. Is listening that hard? No. Don't look at me like that.
But I have one that is making me particularly angry lately. I hate, hate, hate, hate is a strong word, HATE, being ignored. If I ask you a question, answer me. Even if you don't know the answer, either lie or tell me you don't know, but say something! If I text you, text me back. I have a wandering mind so your not answering means you are dead in a ditch. Every time. I think this is the rudest thing someone can do. If you're ignoring me because you're afraid of my response, srrrrrsly get over yourself. I don't have it in me to kill someone so really what's the worst that could happen? If you're ignoring me because I'm annoying you, just wait. I will get more annoying if you keep ignoring me. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's being persistent. Any response will suffice. Literally, anything. But don't just leave me hanging. That is the worst.
This last one is for everyone who has the unfortunate task of driving during rush hour in season. I would like to present to the courts new laws to pass regarding out of state drivers and what they are and aren't allowed to do. For one, they cannot drive in the left lane of the highway, ever. None of the exits on 75 in our area are left exits so no. Middle or right, folks, that's all you get. Like there's nothing to even see on 75 WHY are you driving so slow? Between the hours of 7am and 9am they should not be allowed on the road. I'm trying to get to work, you are looking at trees on the side of the road. Those two things don't make for an easy commute. The same thing for 5pm-7pm. Just no. You're making my blood pressure skyrocket and I don't appreciate it. If the service industry has to be nice to you, don't take that for granted. You might be the biggest part of our economy but at least be nice about it. Sheesh.
Well, that's my morning rant. I've been at work since 6:45am. No one is here yet. So instead of talking to myself I thought I'd write some stuff down.
Have a good day!
xx
Gina
Pet peeves. I probably say "UGH that's my biggest pet peeve!" like 30 times a day. For different things, of course. So therefore, I have a lot of pet peeves. Like chewing with your mouth open, unless you are sick and cannot breathe out of your nose. Understood. Otherwise, SHUT IT. People who interrupt you mid-sentence because they just straight up were not listening to you at all. That's a good one, DAD. Or asking a question about something that I just gave an answer to. Is listening that hard? No. Don't look at me like that.
But I have one that is making me particularly angry lately. I hate, hate, hate, hate is a strong word, HATE, being ignored. If I ask you a question, answer me. Even if you don't know the answer, either lie or tell me you don't know, but say something! If I text you, text me back. I have a wandering mind so your not answering means you are dead in a ditch. Every time. I think this is the rudest thing someone can do. If you're ignoring me because you're afraid of my response, srrrrrsly get over yourself. I don't have it in me to kill someone so really what's the worst that could happen? If you're ignoring me because I'm annoying you, just wait. I will get more annoying if you keep ignoring me. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's being persistent. Any response will suffice. Literally, anything. But don't just leave me hanging. That is the worst.
This last one is for everyone who has the unfortunate task of driving during rush hour in season. I would like to present to the courts new laws to pass regarding out of state drivers and what they are and aren't allowed to do. For one, they cannot drive in the left lane of the highway, ever. None of the exits on 75 in our area are left exits so no. Middle or right, folks, that's all you get. Like there's nothing to even see on 75 WHY are you driving so slow? Between the hours of 7am and 9am they should not be allowed on the road. I'm trying to get to work, you are looking at trees on the side of the road. Those two things don't make for an easy commute. The same thing for 5pm-7pm. Just no. You're making my blood pressure skyrocket and I don't appreciate it. If the service industry has to be nice to you, don't take that for granted. You might be the biggest part of our economy but at least be nice about it. Sheesh.
Well, that's my morning rant. I've been at work since 6:45am. No one is here yet. So instead of talking to myself I thought I'd write some stuff down.
Have a good day!
xx
Gina
Monday, January 6, 2014
Nothing Too Ambitious
So I'm not spontaneous. And I'm too vocal about my crazy. I get it, we're all crazy, but I think some people are afraid of their crazy and I'm so in your face with mine because I want to show you that everyone is crazy. I want you to relate to my crazy and maybe feel a little better about it. I want to motivate and encourage and support anyone who just needs that one message that gets them through today and into tomorrow.
I read a lot and I really enjoy it and I think it's for that reason above. I'm looking for affirmation. I like knowing that someone has felt this way before and that they were, or are, just as confused as I am. And since I like that affirmation so much, I want to give it to others. So I might come off as crazy or that I've completely lost it, but I'm just being honest.
The truth scares most people. Admitting that you're wrong, for instance. I HATE that. I don't like being wrong at all. But I've learned how to just admit it....sometimes. Admitting you love someone. This one baffles me. Apparently this is scary because you're admitting to giving a part of yourself, or maybe even all of yourself, to someone else to hold on to. I guess that's scarier but isn't never feeling an emotion like love scarier? Like going through life alone might be something you're used to but that doesn't mean the alternative isn't way better. Obviously don't fall for the first person that jumps out at you, but if you feel something just run with it. Being alone for the rest of your life is scarier.
I tell things like they are. Yeah, maybe I'm wrong every once in a while but who gives a shit. I'd rather say what's on my mind than keep it bottled up and explode on everyone else.
On a happier note, I'm 147 page views away from having 5,000 blog views. So thank you. I'm incredibly humbled by that whether you read this to laugh at me or you read this to get something out of it. You might think it's weird that I'll sit here and write down what I'm thinking or feeling and be so "heart-on-my-sleeve" about my life but so be it. I'm weird. We're all weird. I'm just better at admitting it. But seriously, thanks for the love. Here's to 10,000.
xx
Gina
I read a lot and I really enjoy it and I think it's for that reason above. I'm looking for affirmation. I like knowing that someone has felt this way before and that they were, or are, just as confused as I am. And since I like that affirmation so much, I want to give it to others. So I might come off as crazy or that I've completely lost it, but I'm just being honest.
The truth scares most people. Admitting that you're wrong, for instance. I HATE that. I don't like being wrong at all. But I've learned how to just admit it....sometimes. Admitting you love someone. This one baffles me. Apparently this is scary because you're admitting to giving a part of yourself, or maybe even all of yourself, to someone else to hold on to. I guess that's scarier but isn't never feeling an emotion like love scarier? Like going through life alone might be something you're used to but that doesn't mean the alternative isn't way better. Obviously don't fall for the first person that jumps out at you, but if you feel something just run with it. Being alone for the rest of your life is scarier.
I tell things like they are. Yeah, maybe I'm wrong every once in a while but who gives a shit. I'd rather say what's on my mind than keep it bottled up and explode on everyone else.
On a happier note, I'm 147 page views away from having 5,000 blog views. So thank you. I'm incredibly humbled by that whether you read this to laugh at me or you read this to get something out of it. You might think it's weird that I'll sit here and write down what I'm thinking or feeling and be so "heart-on-my-sleeve" about my life but so be it. I'm weird. We're all weird. I'm just better at admitting it. But seriously, thanks for the love. Here's to 10,000.
xx
Gina
Thursday, January 2, 2014
New Year, Not-So-New Me
Well it's 2014. Nothing really feels different from 2013. I usually think everything is going to change with the coming of a new year but it never does and I think this year I finally realized it. I also don't have any resolutions. I don't want to change anything. If I change something I'm making a decision in the moment about what I want then and it might not be what I want by the middle of the year. So there. No resolutions. I make my big decisions on any given day, I don't need to make them on the first of the year.
I don't think I even have any goals for this year really. Just do my own thing, I guess. I don't want to be the same person every day and I hardly ever am. I would be so bored if I woke up and felt the same exact way every single day and just started going through the motions. I don't want to settle, but I certainly don't want to be mundane. I like just getting up and going at a moments notice. What am I doing tonight? I don't know, I'll figure out it tonight. I'm a planner and so for me this is different. I'm getting used to just doing and being.
School starts on Monday and for that I'm thankful. School might be the only thing that keeps me feeling 22 besides the fact I can't keep my room clean and that I do 9 loads of laundry in one day instead of doing it every week. Not that those things will change when I "grow up" but here's to wishful thinking. But school keeps me busy. Keeps my brain working and focused and is pointing me towards my ultimate goal of doing what I want to do. I'm such an advocate of school it's annoying.
A friend of mine is in town for the holidays and she has two boys that I was babysitting one night so her and her husband could go out. We were talking about school and one of the boys was being a typical kid and asking me a million questions about what it's like to be 22. Now maybe I'm not the right 22 year-old to ask but I told him it was fun and actually a lot harder than it looks. It's about working and going to school, most often at the same time. Then he asked me why, why do I go to college if I work? And the only thing I could say was because I liked school. I love college. Maybe I'm not all "rah rah FGCU" but I like going to class and learning and finding out new things about myself. That's what college is. I told him that I opened all of these doors that I wouldn't have been able to if I hadn't gone to college. He said he never thought about it that way. And he's 10 so I kind of get it, but that also kind of concerns me. 10 year-olds don't have college in their plans? I don't know if it was just me and a select group of others I know this is true for, but I always knew I was going to college. That's why I went to school growing up, to go to college someday. But hey, I'm probably the weird one it wouldn't surprise me.
Nothing is new or different or forcing me to write today. Which is good and bad. Bad because I'm not inspired but good because today is just another day. I'm at work, it's a Thursday, and I'm just chillin. No ups, no downs, just here. It's a pretty sweet place to be.
xx
Gina
I don't think I even have any goals for this year really. Just do my own thing, I guess. I don't want to be the same person every day and I hardly ever am. I would be so bored if I woke up and felt the same exact way every single day and just started going through the motions. I don't want to settle, but I certainly don't want to be mundane. I like just getting up and going at a moments notice. What am I doing tonight? I don't know, I'll figure out it tonight. I'm a planner and so for me this is different. I'm getting used to just doing and being.
School starts on Monday and for that I'm thankful. School might be the only thing that keeps me feeling 22 besides the fact I can't keep my room clean and that I do 9 loads of laundry in one day instead of doing it every week. Not that those things will change when I "grow up" but here's to wishful thinking. But school keeps me busy. Keeps my brain working and focused and is pointing me towards my ultimate goal of doing what I want to do. I'm such an advocate of school it's annoying.
A friend of mine is in town for the holidays and she has two boys that I was babysitting one night so her and her husband could go out. We were talking about school and one of the boys was being a typical kid and asking me a million questions about what it's like to be 22. Now maybe I'm not the right 22 year-old to ask but I told him it was fun and actually a lot harder than it looks. It's about working and going to school, most often at the same time. Then he asked me why, why do I go to college if I work? And the only thing I could say was because I liked school. I love college. Maybe I'm not all "rah rah FGCU" but I like going to class and learning and finding out new things about myself. That's what college is. I told him that I opened all of these doors that I wouldn't have been able to if I hadn't gone to college. He said he never thought about it that way. And he's 10 so I kind of get it, but that also kind of concerns me. 10 year-olds don't have college in their plans? I don't know if it was just me and a select group of others I know this is true for, but I always knew I was going to college. That's why I went to school growing up, to go to college someday. But hey, I'm probably the weird one it wouldn't surprise me.
Nothing is new or different or forcing me to write today. Which is good and bad. Bad because I'm not inspired but good because today is just another day. I'm at work, it's a Thursday, and I'm just chillin. No ups, no downs, just here. It's a pretty sweet place to be.
xx
Gina
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