^ My title is from a song Lucy Hale sang yesterday. I love words.
The question I get the most from people is, "How?" About everything and anything. How do I find time, or how did I make that happen, or how did I get to do that, or how is that possible?
I love and hate this question because it's so simple and everyone makes it so complex. We are all sitting around watching Facebook and Instragram wishing we were those people in the pictures. So-and-so is studying abroad in France and you've never left the country. That girl you went to high school with is getting ready to marry the love of her life and you're still single (haaaay story of my life). But you know what you don't see? How much so-and-so misses their own bed and their own country and their own friends. Yeah, they're having the time of their life but they are looking at your pictures of simple home life and wishing for that because we're never satisfied. That girl you went to high school with just got into a huge fight with her fiance and she posted that picture because she's trying to hang on to the good times and forget what just happened.
Yesterday, I had a handful of people ask me how I got to meet Lucy Hale and that I was so lucky and they wanted to go to Gulf Coast and see her. I'll answer your question, but I have one for you first. How didn't you? Everyone sets themselves up for not getting what they want and I seriously don't get that. I won the chance to meet Lucy Hale on the radio. That's all. But do you want to know the real story?
Last weekend my dad told me that he heard Lucy Hale from "some show with 'pretty' and 'liar' in the title" was going to be at House of Brews in Gulf Coast yesterday. So logically I freaked and was like "okay cool I'll be there" because that's my natural response to everything I want to do. If I want to do it I usually do because WHY NOT but I'll get back to that. As the week progressed I started feeling guiltier and guiltier because all of my responsibilities have been kind of slipping through my fingers. I work a full-time job Monday through Friday from a general time of 7am-4pm. Every evening except Tuesday I go to class, carrying a full course-load of 4 classes. On the weekends, I do technology consulting for 2 realtors who are just setting up websites, blogs, etc. But recently, I've been sick so I missed 3 days of work and class, then last week I went to the Brad Paisley concert (because WHY NOT) and now I'm like 'damnit, Lucy Hale is on a Thursday I'll miss that class for the 3rd week in a row). So don't think I don't understand priorities. I do. I completely get it. But where there's a will, there's a way. So back to the point, I had decided I couldn't go to Lucy Hale, I needed to be responsible because I've been slacking lately. Then I was listening to the radio and they were giving away the chance to see her in studio at the radio before she went to House of Brews. So I called. I didn't win Monday or Tuesday. I called Wednesday, and I won. That's it. And so I worked, left and picked up a family member that I took with me, went and had so much fun, dropped her off, and went to school. I was in bed by 9pm.
What I'm trying to say is it all looks so fun and cool from the outside. While it is fun and cool there's real life behind it. There's always real life behind it. But if you don't mix in a little fun and a little something different every once in a while you're going to go crazy. I sometimes wish that I could go home from work every day like I would see my parents do when I was growing up, get home, have dinner, sit on the couch and watch TV. Day in, day out. But you know what? I know I don't really want that. I like that I get home and relax and then decide to get up and go do something else because I can. Tickets are cheap enough for a concert on the other coast that I can make happen with minimal risk? I'm going.
My general point is stop making excuses. I hate excuses. "I really wanted to see that!!!!" Why didn't you? Do you have a legitimate reason? I understand work and school obligations, trust me I do, but I understand sanity, too. If you're all work and no play you're going to hate yourself in the end. No one else, just you. There's always room to make what you want happen. I believe that solely because I live it. You can be scared, sure, but I would rather be scared than have regrets. I regret nothing. Ever. And I shouldn't. I wanted it, I got it, I did it, it's done, I'm still kicking.
Get up and go do something you said you couldn't.
xx
Gina
Gettin' It
Friday, January 31, 2014
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Time Marches On
In my dreams, people are telling me that I look tired and exhausted. I can tell you that in real life, I am tired and exhausted. Mentally and physically.
Every time I take one thing off of my plate it seems like I pile 3 more on. I stretch myself so thin that it's starting to tear and the quality of my product is not as great as it should be. Like right now, all I can think about is going to take a nap in my car, I'm that tired. yesterday I came to work an hour late because I was just too tired to get out of bed.
My problem is that I don't know how to say no. It's not that I want to help people so much that they're offering me money and why would I turn down easy opportunities to make money when the only trade off is sleep. Answer: I wouldn't, therefore I don't. So my weekends consist of working for other people and doing homework when I have the energy to move. My weekdays are work until school and then sleep. Eating happens in there sometimes, but not really always. A lot of caffeine consumption, that happens no matter what.
But right now I just want to sleep. I woke up at 4:30 this morning when my alarm was gonna go off at 6 and all I could think about was how much I wanted to just turn it off and not care what happened if I just keep sleeping until I couldn't sleep anymore. Right now, I have a killer headache that is saying get the F out of here and go to bed. But I have 6 hours of work to do before I can do that.
I have the opportunity to do what I have always wanted to do with my life and I'm actually pretty scared. 1. Because I'm so tired my drive to do it lost somewhere with my desire to eat food. 2. Because it involves my writing and I'm so terribly afraid that I'm not good enough and I'm going to scare myself out of the best opportunity I could hope to come across right now. 3. And I have been given so much lately, I don't want to look the gift horse in the mouth. This could all be for naught, however, because I am 10 steps ahead of myself as usual.
These next 7 days are going to suck. Bittersweet, to say the least. A lot of insight soon to come.
xx
Gina
Every time I take one thing off of my plate it seems like I pile 3 more on. I stretch myself so thin that it's starting to tear and the quality of my product is not as great as it should be. Like right now, all I can think about is going to take a nap in my car, I'm that tired. yesterday I came to work an hour late because I was just too tired to get out of bed.
My problem is that I don't know how to say no. It's not that I want to help people so much that they're offering me money and why would I turn down easy opportunities to make money when the only trade off is sleep. Answer: I wouldn't, therefore I don't. So my weekends consist of working for other people and doing homework when I have the energy to move. My weekdays are work until school and then sleep. Eating happens in there sometimes, but not really always. A lot of caffeine consumption, that happens no matter what.
But right now I just want to sleep. I woke up at 4:30 this morning when my alarm was gonna go off at 6 and all I could think about was how much I wanted to just turn it off and not care what happened if I just keep sleeping until I couldn't sleep anymore. Right now, I have a killer headache that is saying get the F out of here and go to bed. But I have 6 hours of work to do before I can do that.
I have the opportunity to do what I have always wanted to do with my life and I'm actually pretty scared. 1. Because I'm so tired my drive to do it lost somewhere with my desire to eat food. 2. Because it involves my writing and I'm so terribly afraid that I'm not good enough and I'm going to scare myself out of the best opportunity I could hope to come across right now. 3. And I have been given so much lately, I don't want to look the gift horse in the mouth. This could all be for naught, however, because I am 10 steps ahead of myself as usual.
These next 7 days are going to suck. Bittersweet, to say the least. A lot of insight soon to come.
xx
Gina
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Heads or Tails
My coin has two sides today. I don't really have an overwhelming urge to write but I always have something to say.
The truth is hard to admit, whether it's to yourself or to anyone else. I usually think it's harder to admit to myself because I can lie and no one would know the difference because as strong as you believe in something is however true you make it. I lie to myself all the time. I would like to think I'm stronger than I am, and I tell myself that every day, but I don't really act on it ever. I want to, but I'm not ready to, so I don't. I could beat myself up about it but I don't do that either. I'm very, "it is what it is," on that topic. But the truth is hard to tell other people, too. I know if I told everyone the truth I would be in a lot of trouble, quite often. So I omit. I don't flat out tell lies, I just don't offer up as much as I could. I've learned this trick over time because I used to offer up the truth constantly but I was shown that people will beat you up for that. If they know the truth they'll hold it against you. You can have the pretty idea that they won't because they love you or whatever the case may be, but they will. They always do. I pray I don't get asked specific questions and I just skate by. But if I have to, I will lie. Sorry, but I'm not sorry. Not everyone needs to know everything. That's something I've always struggled with because I really do hate to lie. But I know the truth is either going to hurt someone else or make me feel bad and maybe it's selfish, but I don't want to feel bad.
Following that train of that concerning not feeling bad, I'm a stickler for finding what you're good at or what you like to do, and doing it. Whether it's a job or just an every day thing, who cares. GO AND DO IT. I know I probably sound like a broken record but I feel like anything short of illegal or harmful is your prerogative and shouldn't be influenced by anyone else. Do what makes you happy and F everyone else. In all aspects of life. Yeah.
xx
Gina
The truth is hard to admit, whether it's to yourself or to anyone else. I usually think it's harder to admit to myself because I can lie and no one would know the difference because as strong as you believe in something is however true you make it. I lie to myself all the time. I would like to think I'm stronger than I am, and I tell myself that every day, but I don't really act on it ever. I want to, but I'm not ready to, so I don't. I could beat myself up about it but I don't do that either. I'm very, "it is what it is," on that topic. But the truth is hard to tell other people, too. I know if I told everyone the truth I would be in a lot of trouble, quite often. So I omit. I don't flat out tell lies, I just don't offer up as much as I could. I've learned this trick over time because I used to offer up the truth constantly but I was shown that people will beat you up for that. If they know the truth they'll hold it against you. You can have the pretty idea that they won't because they love you or whatever the case may be, but they will. They always do. I pray I don't get asked specific questions and I just skate by. But if I have to, I will lie. Sorry, but I'm not sorry. Not everyone needs to know everything. That's something I've always struggled with because I really do hate to lie. But I know the truth is either going to hurt someone else or make me feel bad and maybe it's selfish, but I don't want to feel bad.
Following that train of that concerning not feeling bad, I'm a stickler for finding what you're good at or what you like to do, and doing it. Whether it's a job or just an every day thing, who cares. GO AND DO IT. I know I probably sound like a broken record but I feel like anything short of illegal or harmful is your prerogative and shouldn't be influenced by anyone else. Do what makes you happy and F everyone else. In all aspects of life. Yeah.
xx
Gina
Friday, January 10, 2014
Blerg
It's raining so I'm ranting.
Pet peeves. I probably say "UGH that's my biggest pet peeve!" like 30 times a day. For different things, of course. So therefore, I have a lot of pet peeves. Like chewing with your mouth open, unless you are sick and cannot breathe out of your nose. Understood. Otherwise, SHUT IT. People who interrupt you mid-sentence because they just straight up were not listening to you at all. That's a good one, DAD. Or asking a question about something that I just gave an answer to. Is listening that hard? No. Don't look at me like that.
But I have one that is making me particularly angry lately. I hate, hate, hate, hate is a strong word, HATE, being ignored. If I ask you a question, answer me. Even if you don't know the answer, either lie or tell me you don't know, but say something! If I text you, text me back. I have a wandering mind so your not answering means you are dead in a ditch. Every time. I think this is the rudest thing someone can do. If you're ignoring me because you're afraid of my response, srrrrrsly get over yourself. I don't have it in me to kill someone so really what's the worst that could happen? If you're ignoring me because I'm annoying you, just wait. I will get more annoying if you keep ignoring me. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's being persistent. Any response will suffice. Literally, anything. But don't just leave me hanging. That is the worst.
This last one is for everyone who has the unfortunate task of driving during rush hour in season. I would like to present to the courts new laws to pass regarding out of state drivers and what they are and aren't allowed to do. For one, they cannot drive in the left lane of the highway, ever. None of the exits on 75 in our area are left exits so no. Middle or right, folks, that's all you get. Like there's nothing to even see on 75 WHY are you driving so slow? Between the hours of 7am and 9am they should not be allowed on the road. I'm trying to get to work, you are looking at trees on the side of the road. Those two things don't make for an easy commute. The same thing for 5pm-7pm. Just no. You're making my blood pressure skyrocket and I don't appreciate it. If the service industry has to be nice to you, don't take that for granted. You might be the biggest part of our economy but at least be nice about it. Sheesh.
Well, that's my morning rant. I've been at work since 6:45am. No one is here yet. So instead of talking to myself I thought I'd write some stuff down.
Have a good day!
xx
Gina
Pet peeves. I probably say "UGH that's my biggest pet peeve!" like 30 times a day. For different things, of course. So therefore, I have a lot of pet peeves. Like chewing with your mouth open, unless you are sick and cannot breathe out of your nose. Understood. Otherwise, SHUT IT. People who interrupt you mid-sentence because they just straight up were not listening to you at all. That's a good one, DAD. Or asking a question about something that I just gave an answer to. Is listening that hard? No. Don't look at me like that.
But I have one that is making me particularly angry lately. I hate, hate, hate, hate is a strong word, HATE, being ignored. If I ask you a question, answer me. Even if you don't know the answer, either lie or tell me you don't know, but say something! If I text you, text me back. I have a wandering mind so your not answering means you are dead in a ditch. Every time. I think this is the rudest thing someone can do. If you're ignoring me because you're afraid of my response, srrrrrsly get over yourself. I don't have it in me to kill someone so really what's the worst that could happen? If you're ignoring me because I'm annoying you, just wait. I will get more annoying if you keep ignoring me. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's being persistent. Any response will suffice. Literally, anything. But don't just leave me hanging. That is the worst.
This last one is for everyone who has the unfortunate task of driving during rush hour in season. I would like to present to the courts new laws to pass regarding out of state drivers and what they are and aren't allowed to do. For one, they cannot drive in the left lane of the highway, ever. None of the exits on 75 in our area are left exits so no. Middle or right, folks, that's all you get. Like there's nothing to even see on 75 WHY are you driving so slow? Between the hours of 7am and 9am they should not be allowed on the road. I'm trying to get to work, you are looking at trees on the side of the road. Those two things don't make for an easy commute. The same thing for 5pm-7pm. Just no. You're making my blood pressure skyrocket and I don't appreciate it. If the service industry has to be nice to you, don't take that for granted. You might be the biggest part of our economy but at least be nice about it. Sheesh.
Well, that's my morning rant. I've been at work since 6:45am. No one is here yet. So instead of talking to myself I thought I'd write some stuff down.
Have a good day!
xx
Gina
Monday, January 6, 2014
Nothing Too Ambitious
So I'm not spontaneous. And I'm too vocal about my crazy. I get it, we're all crazy, but I think some people are afraid of their crazy and I'm so in your face with mine because I want to show you that everyone is crazy. I want you to relate to my crazy and maybe feel a little better about it. I want to motivate and encourage and support anyone who just needs that one message that gets them through today and into tomorrow.
I read a lot and I really enjoy it and I think it's for that reason above. I'm looking for affirmation. I like knowing that someone has felt this way before and that they were, or are, just as confused as I am. And since I like that affirmation so much, I want to give it to others. So I might come off as crazy or that I've completely lost it, but I'm just being honest.
The truth scares most people. Admitting that you're wrong, for instance. I HATE that. I don't like being wrong at all. But I've learned how to just admit it....sometimes. Admitting you love someone. This one baffles me. Apparently this is scary because you're admitting to giving a part of yourself, or maybe even all of yourself, to someone else to hold on to. I guess that's scarier but isn't never feeling an emotion like love scarier? Like going through life alone might be something you're used to but that doesn't mean the alternative isn't way better. Obviously don't fall for the first person that jumps out at you, but if you feel something just run with it. Being alone for the rest of your life is scarier.
I tell things like they are. Yeah, maybe I'm wrong every once in a while but who gives a shit. I'd rather say what's on my mind than keep it bottled up and explode on everyone else.
On a happier note, I'm 147 page views away from having 5,000 blog views. So thank you. I'm incredibly humbled by that whether you read this to laugh at me or you read this to get something out of it. You might think it's weird that I'll sit here and write down what I'm thinking or feeling and be so "heart-on-my-sleeve" about my life but so be it. I'm weird. We're all weird. I'm just better at admitting it. But seriously, thanks for the love. Here's to 10,000.
xx
Gina
I read a lot and I really enjoy it and I think it's for that reason above. I'm looking for affirmation. I like knowing that someone has felt this way before and that they were, or are, just as confused as I am. And since I like that affirmation so much, I want to give it to others. So I might come off as crazy or that I've completely lost it, but I'm just being honest.
The truth scares most people. Admitting that you're wrong, for instance. I HATE that. I don't like being wrong at all. But I've learned how to just admit it....sometimes. Admitting you love someone. This one baffles me. Apparently this is scary because you're admitting to giving a part of yourself, or maybe even all of yourself, to someone else to hold on to. I guess that's scarier but isn't never feeling an emotion like love scarier? Like going through life alone might be something you're used to but that doesn't mean the alternative isn't way better. Obviously don't fall for the first person that jumps out at you, but if you feel something just run with it. Being alone for the rest of your life is scarier.
I tell things like they are. Yeah, maybe I'm wrong every once in a while but who gives a shit. I'd rather say what's on my mind than keep it bottled up and explode on everyone else.
On a happier note, I'm 147 page views away from having 5,000 blog views. So thank you. I'm incredibly humbled by that whether you read this to laugh at me or you read this to get something out of it. You might think it's weird that I'll sit here and write down what I'm thinking or feeling and be so "heart-on-my-sleeve" about my life but so be it. I'm weird. We're all weird. I'm just better at admitting it. But seriously, thanks for the love. Here's to 10,000.
xx
Gina
Thursday, January 2, 2014
New Year, Not-So-New Me
Well it's 2014. Nothing really feels different from 2013. I usually think everything is going to change with the coming of a new year but it never does and I think this year I finally realized it. I also don't have any resolutions. I don't want to change anything. If I change something I'm making a decision in the moment about what I want then and it might not be what I want by the middle of the year. So there. No resolutions. I make my big decisions on any given day, I don't need to make them on the first of the year.
I don't think I even have any goals for this year really. Just do my own thing, I guess. I don't want to be the same person every day and I hardly ever am. I would be so bored if I woke up and felt the same exact way every single day and just started going through the motions. I don't want to settle, but I certainly don't want to be mundane. I like just getting up and going at a moments notice. What am I doing tonight? I don't know, I'll figure out it tonight. I'm a planner and so for me this is different. I'm getting used to just doing and being.
School starts on Monday and for that I'm thankful. School might be the only thing that keeps me feeling 22 besides the fact I can't keep my room clean and that I do 9 loads of laundry in one day instead of doing it every week. Not that those things will change when I "grow up" but here's to wishful thinking. But school keeps me busy. Keeps my brain working and focused and is pointing me towards my ultimate goal of doing what I want to do. I'm such an advocate of school it's annoying.
A friend of mine is in town for the holidays and she has two boys that I was babysitting one night so her and her husband could go out. We were talking about school and one of the boys was being a typical kid and asking me a million questions about what it's like to be 22. Now maybe I'm not the right 22 year-old to ask but I told him it was fun and actually a lot harder than it looks. It's about working and going to school, most often at the same time. Then he asked me why, why do I go to college if I work? And the only thing I could say was because I liked school. I love college. Maybe I'm not all "rah rah FGCU" but I like going to class and learning and finding out new things about myself. That's what college is. I told him that I opened all of these doors that I wouldn't have been able to if I hadn't gone to college. He said he never thought about it that way. And he's 10 so I kind of get it, but that also kind of concerns me. 10 year-olds don't have college in their plans? I don't know if it was just me and a select group of others I know this is true for, but I always knew I was going to college. That's why I went to school growing up, to go to college someday. But hey, I'm probably the weird one it wouldn't surprise me.
Nothing is new or different or forcing me to write today. Which is good and bad. Bad because I'm not inspired but good because today is just another day. I'm at work, it's a Thursday, and I'm just chillin. No ups, no downs, just here. It's a pretty sweet place to be.
xx
Gina
I don't think I even have any goals for this year really. Just do my own thing, I guess. I don't want to be the same person every day and I hardly ever am. I would be so bored if I woke up and felt the same exact way every single day and just started going through the motions. I don't want to settle, but I certainly don't want to be mundane. I like just getting up and going at a moments notice. What am I doing tonight? I don't know, I'll figure out it tonight. I'm a planner and so for me this is different. I'm getting used to just doing and being.
School starts on Monday and for that I'm thankful. School might be the only thing that keeps me feeling 22 besides the fact I can't keep my room clean and that I do 9 loads of laundry in one day instead of doing it every week. Not that those things will change when I "grow up" but here's to wishful thinking. But school keeps me busy. Keeps my brain working and focused and is pointing me towards my ultimate goal of doing what I want to do. I'm such an advocate of school it's annoying.
A friend of mine is in town for the holidays and she has two boys that I was babysitting one night so her and her husband could go out. We were talking about school and one of the boys was being a typical kid and asking me a million questions about what it's like to be 22. Now maybe I'm not the right 22 year-old to ask but I told him it was fun and actually a lot harder than it looks. It's about working and going to school, most often at the same time. Then he asked me why, why do I go to college if I work? And the only thing I could say was because I liked school. I love college. Maybe I'm not all "rah rah FGCU" but I like going to class and learning and finding out new things about myself. That's what college is. I told him that I opened all of these doors that I wouldn't have been able to if I hadn't gone to college. He said he never thought about it that way. And he's 10 so I kind of get it, but that also kind of concerns me. 10 year-olds don't have college in their plans? I don't know if it was just me and a select group of others I know this is true for, but I always knew I was going to college. That's why I went to school growing up, to go to college someday. But hey, I'm probably the weird one it wouldn't surprise me.
Nothing is new or different or forcing me to write today. Which is good and bad. Bad because I'm not inspired but good because today is just another day. I'm at work, it's a Thursday, and I'm just chillin. No ups, no downs, just here. It's a pretty sweet place to be.
xx
Gina
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