23

It's been a long four months without writing. I sit down to do it and end up changing my mind, the inspiration gone. So while I have the inspiration I'll run as far as it'll take me.

23 is a sucky age because you feel like you should be a grown up, but don't want to stop watching Sponge Bob just yet. You should have a good job, but don't want to stop serving just yet. You want to change the world, but don't have your legs under you just yet. 23 is blah.

My parents were 23 when they got married and had my sister. I'm 23 and the thought of marriage and kids scares the shit out of me. Realizing that what was theirs doesn't have to be mine is one of my biggest obstacles. I think it's a big obstacle for a lot of us.

I have 7 months until I will have finally graduated college and I'm worried about not having a plan. Sometimes I think plans are for fools, but sometimes I hate that I don't have one. When I was a kid, I was supposed to already be ruling the world. I'm not there yet, so my compass is a little skewed. I'm not sure about what's next. I wonder what I will do when I wake up in the morning with a full day off without work or school. I can't work 7 days so those are inevitable. What comes next is scary to me.

I also feel like 23 is an uncomfortable lull. I don't have a boyfriend and I honestly think I would be annoyed if I did. I had one for a while and it was fine, but that was it. It was fine. But I don't want fine. If I can't have excitement then I don't want anything. I don't want anything that just happens and seems to work. I did that once and it hurt. We're too young to hurt so much.

23 should be stupid. At 40 I want to wake up laughing at how stupid I was, the mistakes I made, the hearts I broke. I haven't done that yet. Not in a bad way, but I want to. I want to leave my mark on people, some in a good way and honestly some in a bad way. I want there to be proof that I was there.

So far my 23 is only kind of stupid. I have some work to do, but I've put a pretty big dent in it.

Always,
Gina