Untitled

I try and come up with a title for my blog before I write it that way I can let whoever reads it know kind of what it's going to be about. This is a jumbled thoughts blog because I haven't had any epiphanies or a desperate need to get anything off of my chest. This is just a word vomit post.

I always feel like I'm giving up things I want for things I think I want and usually don't need or aren't very good for me. To channel macroeconomics, my opportunity costs are way high and I am missing out on some serious business. Like I really want to write a book. It is something I think about every single day. But I have yet to sit down and even give myself a story line or list of characters or plot twists. Why? Because I keep waiting for something better to come along. I get home from school or work and maybe someone is going to text me and say they're free and we can go do something. Okay, cool, I'm just sitting here  relaxing I'll be ready when you are. I've always been that way. I've never been the "oh, no, I'm busy" or "oh, sorry, I have plans already!" type. I'm always ready for anything and it has always been my downfall.

I'm a planner. I like to know what each day is going to consist of and at what times so I can schedule and pack as much in as possible. Winging it is NOT my thing. Well, sometimes. I decided on Thanksgiving that I was going to Tampa on Friday to see one of my dearest NYU friends and I did it. Just up and left on Friday morning and spent the entire day with her. It was a blast and you don't realize how much you miss someone until you get to spend time with them again. Or how much someone understands you and who you are, or may have been when you knew them last. I kind of forgot about the person I was in New York, not that she is all that different from who I am now, but we are certainly on different playing fields. I was driven and excited most days in the city just because I had so much opportunity. I wasted a lot of it and I know that, but it was nice to know it was there. Fort Myers, not as much of a bustling hub of opportunity. It's just weird.

But back to random rambles, I have just been seeing that I give up a lot of things to make room for other things that are probably not worth it. I know why, and it's because I'm afraid of giving up on my "what ifs." I don't sit down and write out a story line because what if I get a call and I'm needed somewhere else? I'll have to go and then the creativity is broken and I wasted my time. But if I sit down and write out a story line and....turn off my phone or don't wait for someone to call me my creativity won't be broken and my plan is in tact and I'm getting what I want. I guess I'm just afraid of losing what I currently have to pursue what I want.

In reality, though, if I lose things or people along the way to getting to my ultimate goal, they couldn't have been that good for me anyway, right? Oh, the struggle.

xx
Gina