Time Marches On

In my dreams, people are telling me that I look tired and exhausted. I can tell you that in real life, I am tired and exhausted. Mentally and physically.

Every time I take one thing off of my plate it seems like I pile 3 more on. I stretch myself so thin that it's starting to tear and the quality of my product is not as great as it should be. Like right now, all I can think about is going to take a nap in my car, I'm that tired. yesterday I came to work an hour late because I was just too tired to get out of bed.

My problem is that I don't know how to say no. It's not that I want to help people so much that they're offering me money and why would I turn down easy opportunities to make money when the only trade off is sleep. Answer: I wouldn't, therefore I don't. So my weekends consist of working for other people and doing homework when I have the energy to move. My weekdays are work until school and then sleep. Eating happens in there sometimes, but not really always. A lot of caffeine consumption, that happens no matter what.

But right now I just want to sleep. I woke up at 4:30 this morning when my alarm was gonna go off at 6 and all I could think about was how much I wanted to just turn it off and not care what happened if I just keep sleeping until I couldn't sleep anymore. Right now, I have a killer headache that is saying get the F out of here and go to bed. But I have 6 hours of work to do before I can do that.

I have the opportunity to do what I have always wanted to do with my life and I'm actually pretty scared. 1. Because I'm so tired my drive to do it lost somewhere with my desire to eat food. 2. Because it involves my writing and I'm so terribly afraid that I'm not good enough and I'm going to scare myself out of the best opportunity I could hope to come across right now. 3. And I have been given so much lately, I don't want to look the gift horse in the mouth. This could all be for naught, however, because I am 10 steps ahead of myself as usual.

These next 7 days are going to suck. Bittersweet, to say the least. A lot of insight soon to come.

xx
Gina